Take a Walk with Me

I took this yesterday. Somethign about this picture I just love...so I wanted to share with you. :)

Worst Mom of the Year

So as I drove to work today I realized I deserved (another) award for worst Mom of the year. I gave some rather horrible un-mom-like advice to my daughter this morning. It really seemed like a good idea at the time but now that I think about it Evelynn is so going to rat me out! Lol
What is this wonderful classy advice you may wonder. I do want to tell you but worry on how you will judge me. I don’t have a script to read from when it comes to giving my daughter great heart warming advice (unlike Danny Tanner from Full House).

OK let me play it out for you. In the bathroom, brushing my teeth, Evelynn is telling me how a boy at school tells her she is the ugliest thing he has seen. (I know shocking) So my first advice was they typical mommy advice. “Ohhh I bet he has a little crush on you hunny that’s why he says those things”. No way she is not having it. He is an older boy she says but not sure how old. It is very mean and hurtful for him to say these things to here she says…and I concur.

“Well….I guess the best thing to say to him would be; I am rubber you are glue whatever you say bounces of me and sticks to you!”

Evelynn looked lost. Too long she will never be able to remember that she says. OK..well Mommy has another plan up her sleeve.

“I know you are but what am I?!”

Yup I went there. Yup I taught my daughter that. Yup we role played.

I just know that Evelynn will not hold back and tell everyone what her wonderful Mother taught her lol! Wow I am embarrassed. I just didn’t know what else to do for her…I felt as though I needed to give her some tools to stand up for herself in a non violent or hurtful way.

Guess I will get the bill for this in…oh 20 years or so from her therapist lol

Pet Peeve

So I am a receptionist. I am a receptionist at a very large company. Let me say that one of my pet peeves is when someone comes in to said company and says there are here to see “so and so”. Well I then call “so and so” thinking they have an appointment and/or they are expecting this person.

NOPE.

They have no idea who this person is and it makes it so awkward because this person is standing over my desk while “so and so” is asking who they are and what company and telling me there are too busy to come down.

Arrghhhh just call ahead people! Set up an appointment instead of driving here and acting like you have one. It is better for everyone if you set an appointment up first! Is it really that hard to do?

geeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzz

Bitter

Friday went better than I thought. I did not break down and crumble. I was able to hold it together.

I was disappointed in the fact that “she” took things that “she” shouldn’t have. Although can I say I was surprised? No. In fact I would have been surprised to find the things she took. She took my parents wedding ring. Sure my Mom and Dad were no longer married…but she took the wedding band that my Dad had when he was married to my Mother. I don’t think she had any right to that. Although she has done a lot of things I don’t think she has any right to. She has to live with herself so….

Also she took all of my Dads medical books. I ask…can anyone tell me why she would want those? What reason would she have for taking those? She is not blood related so she has no concern of the possibility she will suffer from pulmonary fibrosis. The fact that it may be hereditary (my grandmother suffered and died from it as well) so why…why would she take something that could be vitally important to my brother and I or anyone else in the family that god forbid could possibly have pulmonary fibrosis?

Wow I really really despise her. She is so cruel and anyone’s worse nightmare. I had been so naive and trusting and sure that her actions were a big misunderstanding. She wasn’t thinking clearly, she was in shock, grief but of course not intent on trying to hurt us or leave us out or take from us. No never that. Couldn’t be that. People really are not that way.
Wow did I ever get a huge dose of reality!

I don’t know if I really learned anything though. I think I will still trust people, always look for the best in people and never imagine the worse.

I don’t know if this is a good trait to have or just makes me a fool. Do I need to open my eyes and see people for what they are? Greedy, selfish only look out for themselves animals? Or does that make me cold and bitter?

In all honesty I know I talk a good game…but I will never change. I will trust anyone. I am sure I will help the next person stab me in the back by sharpening the knife.

Dreaded Day

Tomorrow is a dreaded day.

Tomorrow is the day I will first walk into my father’s house since December. Tomorrow is when reality will hit. Tomorrow I will see his house empty. Tomorrow I will try to salvage what has been left for my brother and I.

I am completely aware that tomorrow is going to be almost as difficult as the day I lost him. Tomorrow will be real and all I can do is try to hold my wall up. I don’t want to crack.

Why am I like this? Why do I try so hard to hold it together? Why do I not want to show anyone me feelings and try to be the rock for everyone else? I don’t understand myself. I know it is ok to cry, I know people expect me to cry and be sad and upset and yet I try to hide it and I don’t understand why?

I am not looking forward to tomorrow.