Ding Dong the Witch is back!

Seriously! No seriously! I really would love to have my life back and not continue on this stressful, painful journey down the yellow brick road to...I don't know where.

Life is not fair. I get that. Believe me I completely understand how not fair life is. I know I have it good considering some people don't even have homes or food or medicine. But in the scheme of things I have sure had to deal with my own pile of shit (sorry for the language)

So...how many people have been sued by their....step mothers?

Let me take you back to just over a year ago...so you can understand the full amount of hurt this...low life has been able to bestow on me and my family.

My dad has been sick for sometime. He had pulmonary fibrosis (which is a lung disease). He had been managing well but with this disease it can change in a blink...and well that is what happened. He was slowly getting worse. Started need oxygen at home at night to sleep. he had a portable take he could take around with him if he needed (but from what I understand only used the last week)

December 7th, 2008. My cousin Jill gives me a call. "Hey how ya doing? By the way did you know your Dad was in the hospital? He had a heart attack Friday morning."

Wow...blow me out of the water. I was not expecting that. It was Sunday...how did he have a heart attack on Friday and I not know until Sunday? I had called his house Saturday and left a message but just assumed he was out.

So...I guess no one thought it was important for his children to know that he was in the hospital? Jill gives me the name of the hospital. I call my brother and he calls the hospital. Well they informed us to get down there right away as things were not good and we live 3-4 hours away.

We pack up make arrangements for children, pets and work then hit the road. On the road we received another call from my cousin Jill. She informed us not to go to the hospital as it would upset my father and he was not having any visitors. He was worried about us seeing him there. OK...well...we decided since we were already on the road that we would continue on and stay at Jills since it was closer.

Once we got to Jills the real fun began. No response from Dads girlfriend. No return calls as to how he was doing. She would not talk to us. The hospital would not give us any information over the phone. Finally Dads girlfriend called and spoke to Jill. She said that if we went to the hospital we would kill our father and that we should go home. He would be better and could have visitors near the end of the week.

I was not satisfied. I didn't know what to do. She had said that they were going to put him on a new machine and that it would either be good or bad. Good or bad?

Tuesday morning I leave a message for her. I want to know how the new machine went. I told her I wasn't trying to be a pain calling but I wanted to know how my father was.

A few hours later she calls and speaks to Jill but not us. Jill then yells at her and says it is ridiculous she wont speak to us. We are his children and upset and concerned. A few hours later she calls and speaks to me. She said the new machine was doing good and that he would be better in a few days. We should go home (yes hours away) and come at the end of the week to see him. She wouldn't tell me what this machine was. Something didn't sit right.

We tried the hospital again. We got a student nurse, what luck! She said..."Why are you not here? Your father is on life support you should be here!"

My father was on life support?? This 'new' machine was life support?? I should go home?!?!

Well that was it. There was no more keeping us away. Too many lies. We went straight to the hospital (whether she liked it or not, he was on life support!)

We were not greeted with a warm welcome. We were greeted like outsiders who had overstepped out bounds by coming to see my father who was on LIFE SUPPORT!!!!!!!!

None the less we went in. I kept my faith up. He would pull through this...he was still young, this had to be his first scare to really make him slow down. He would pull through. I kept my faith when she told me he wouldn't make it. There had to be a miracle. Something could be done? He was too young and I certainly wasn't ready to lose my father. I kept my faith when he was pulled off life support and I held his hand and willed him to breathe to hold on I squeezed his hand with everything I had I wanted him to know I was there and I believed in him and I wasn't ready to let go. I went numb.

This was not in the script...how did I not see this coming? I was so blind sided...I didn't know what to do. But good ol' Tanya who sees the best in everyone couldn't believe that all the actions leading up to this point by 'her' were to keep us away. To keep us from the truth.

When she told me my father had no will (even though I knew he did) I thought...well maybe she just didn't know. People do not really try and do this stuff. Surely no one could be that cruel.

How I was mistaken? How forcefully and suddenly did I get to see the real world and what it is made up of.

LIES. All lies. I know she is full of lies and the biggest lie was that she loved my father. How could she have loved him and do this to him and his children? How?

The worse part is she is still doing it. She wont stop until she finds us completely beaten?

My fathers will did come out. No surprise there as I was not the only one to know he had one.

Problem is...'she' didn't want to share. She wants it all...not just what he has put aside for her but she wanted everything he put aside for his children.

Over a year now....and we have paid her. We have tried to settled with her having something from us (which she doesn't deserve but we want it done and we want our lives back) Nothing is good enough until she sees us with nothing. She will fight this to fill the lawyers pockets then to see us with something?! why? What did we do to her? What about my fathers wishes? Why?

I am sooo tired of this and find it so unfair that she has the power to take from us. Where is Karma? Where does being good and just get you? Why do the bad guys win?

I am just so sick of this hurt.

14 weeks and some

There are plenty of pregnancy blogs out there so I certainly don’t need to start one. I am only interested in making a few random post about my pregnancy. That way I will sort of have a record of what happened. Sometimes I don’t have a good memory and it is so easy to forget things. I would have thought I would have remembered every detail of my pregnancy with Evelynn…but such is not the case.

I wish I knew how much weight I had gained by 14 weeks with her. I wish I could remember when I felt her kick. It would have been nice if I kept some sort of a journal, and I say that and do nothing this time? What is up with that?

So I am 14 weeks and some. I know I am bigger already. I have been afraid to weigh myself (but know I will get weight tomorrow at my doctor’s appointment). I am bigger than usual to start due to recently quitting smoking and not working out or eating properly. Once upon a time I knew the inside of a gym.

Exciting news to me (and maybe my husband) a lot of my weight gain seems to be in my boobs!! Yeah!! I am pretty sure I have already gone up a cup size. I know that didn’t happen with Evelynn. I didn’t get bigger there until she was born and my milk came in.

14 weeks and some. I don’t know what else to say really, other than I am excited, I am nervous, I can’t imagine another child yet, wondering when I grew up, wondering if I have grown up. Really I am a mom…a mom to a six year old, soon to be a mother of two. How the hell did this happen?? It is great but I am seriously wondering how this has happened?

A moment ago I was dreaming about growing up and wondering what life had in store for me and imagining the children I may or may not have, the home I will make for them…and here it is. No more dreaming it has become reality. Is it strange that it is only now really starting to feel real?

I am Published!

Yeah! So how exciting for me to find out this morning that some of my images have been published in a magazine!! Yeah! Sure it is a free local magazine (CK Living Well) but it is a start! Actually it was brought to my attention the fact that I have only been doing this for about a month and already I am published! (hehe)

When there is an online link available I will be sure to share it. Until then if you have a copy of the CK Living Well magazine check them out. Look on Page three and pages 13 and 14.

Also was thinking of my other post, the Big Bang…and well…another one of those moments where I put my foot in my mouth. I really don’t know what I was thinking when I came up with that title (Ok maybe subconsciously thinking about banging my husband I don’t know?) But I can assure you it was completely innocent. I think maybe it was big news so…BANG!! Big NEWS!! Right at ya….or maybe it was just subconsciously.

Okkkkkkkkkkkkkaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy….done with that now.

Glee!!

I am not much of a TV watcher. I can never commit to being home in front of the TV at a certain time on a certain day each week to get into a show. Not to say I have never gotten into a show before. I used to watch my fair share of Grey’s Anatomy, Desperate Housewives and American Idol, etc.

OK so let me talk of the wonder of Glee! I have only seen two episodes but I think I am in love! What is better than a musical each week? Well maybe seeing an actual live musical each week but seriously who does that? And you would run out of musicals to go see eventually.

Glee is like the Dawson’s Creek of this generation (which so is not my generation anymore) OK so if you didn’t watch Dawson’s Creek as a teenager then insert whatever one you did…except if it was wrestling.

I just love the musicals and to be honest the story line is pretty catchy. From what I gather the glee teacher is in love with another teacher who was going to marry a different teacher because she was going to settle because she couldn’t have the glee teacher. The gym teacher (who looks like a lesbian but that is pretty typical) hates the glee club and is trying to take them down (I think so she can get more funding for her cheerleaders). The glee teacher’s wife was faking a pregnancy so now they are split! And that is just the drama with the teachers you know there is a whole ball of shiznaz happening between the students. Like teen pregnancy. (Ok so reading it like that is not how I mean it. You need to read it like I am saying it. Try….Teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnn Pregnaccccccccccccccyyyyyyyyyy)

Ok so if you haven’t watched Glee do it now. It is on Wednesday’s at 9 and in no way are they paying me to write this (but if they so wish to I am not opposed to being paid off hehe)

(Ok so if I knew how to share a video I would....but I don't know how waaaaaaaaaa)

Evelynn with Santa

Sooooo…would this be considered cheating? The fact the my last post was just pictures and now this one? Totally lazy on my part eh? But who doesn’t love pictures? I get bored of blogs that have no pictures and….yup…don’t bother reading them! lol Maybe I have the attention span of a six year old and need some pictures to keep me focused? Maybe I just like pictures. Maybe it is a bit of both?

So without further ado here is a picture of Evelynn with Santa!! Ohhh and Mrs. Claus as well.

Xmas Cards

Made a few little Christmas cards for our good friends Kim, Rob and their lovely daughter Katrina. They are an awesome family and I am so glad we can call them friends.

Merry Christmas & Such

The Big Bang!

More like the big update. I must confess that I have been withholding a big secret! We have slowly been letting it leak out among our closest friends and family. Matt and I are having a BABY!!! Yeah!!

We are so excited and anxious to be welcoming this little one into our family. Evelynn is beyond excited! When we told her the news she jumped around and screamed with excitement that she is going to be a “Big Sister”! (If I can ever figure out how to add video I will share)

I am sure it comes as no surprise to the people that know us that we are expecting. Matt and I have been trying…or wanting to have a baby for a while. A few close friends know that we had a miscarriage in April. It was not something I wanted to or could talk about when it first happened. It was very painful (not just physically but emotionally) and until I have reached this point I found it hard to share with people except for a few close friends and family. I didn’t want to talk about it. I felt it wasn’t fair we have dealt with enough…crap that we had to be handed another bad deal. Everything happens for a reason whether we like it or not or even understand it…because sometimes it is not about understanding it is about getting through.

Matt and I obviously are becoming pros at getting through.

So after the miscarriage we were ready to keep trying. I wasn’t getting any younger and Matt turned 30 this summer so we know he was not getting younger!

Month after month (ok 4 months) my nasty Aunt Flo kept coming for a visit. Month after month I kept getting my hopes up only to be disappointed.

So I did the one thing everyone told me to do. (Best New Jersey accent) “Forget a-bout it” Impossible I thought….how in the world would I forget about something that I was absolutely obsessed with?!

Well amazingly enough I did. Became focused on buying/selling our house. Thought to myself that the timing just wasn’t right I had too much on my plate and when that is all taken care of then it will happen.

Badda Boom Badda Bing! We were pregnant. Just like that. Forgetting about it actually worked!

So little Sinroy will be making his/her appearance this summer. Actually the due date is June 14th (which happens to be a great day since it is my birthday!)

There are many things to think about and plan before then…like how I will give birth….c-section? VBAC? Eeek!!! Can someone else do this part because it scares me?

OK…enough for now since this has become a long post and I am doubtful anyone will actually take the time to read it all.

Let me just add that I am happy the cat is out of the bag and we can finally start sharing our good news!