Sadness...

Today was not the best day I have had. Sadly I need to report that someone I worked with passed away suddenly. I am shocked at the moment. It is still very surreal feeling. I still feel that on Monday this person will pop around as usual. I know it is not going to happen but it is still hard to believe.
I hate death. Death scares me to death. I can't get the picture of this person out of my mind. I hope and pray they were not scared when the end came. Maybe there was a peace that washed over him..a calm. I wonder..where is he now? I don't know what happens after you die...is there anything? is he in a happy place? is he watching all of us? i don't know. I know he was too young. I feel it wasn't fair. I wonder if he would have done things different if he knew when he woke up this morning it would be his last. If he knew that last summer would have been his last..would he have taken more time off to spend with family? I know i can't dwell on the what if's. You need to live each day as though it is your last...but still...what if...