From the Corner of my eye

IS it possible? Is this real? Can i really be starting my blog up again?

I don’t know why I stopped…I think the problem was I felt too busy and it became too much of an effort for me to keep it up. Lazy in other words.

I am going to look at this as an adventure. It is something I want to do, but when the point comes that it feels like a chore I will stop. I won’t put pressure on myself to write everyday, to have something interesting or exciting to write about. Just let it be what it is. What it is I don’t really know….but for now I will let it be with no demands on myself and hopefully just enjoyment of sharing my thoughts, day to day life and pictures.

I am not a writer. I don’t have to put a label on myself or an expectation for this to be something more than what it is. A Diary essentially. I didn’t realize that until I found this again (after months of thinking about it and searching for it) to read about my life, things that happened three years ago. Things I forgot about. It was a laugh, it was emotional and it was a journey. It amazes me how you can forget. How things seem like they will never change and one day you blink and they have. You don’t notice when you are going through the change or changes, just one day you realize you are not who you were yesterday. I believe it is vital for everyone to change. It is part of human nature. Evolution if you will. There is a song Lilly Allen sings called ‘Everybody’s Changing” that I really like. There is a line in the song that goes “Everybody’s changing and I don’t know why”. I used to feel that way myself until I realized that it is important to change and to grow as a person and as a society. It is hard to accept the fact that we all change and when people around us change it is hard not to feel hurt.

I think finding my old blog made me realize just how much I have changed. I am more comfortable with myself now and making myself happy. My focus is more on my family. Sure I was always focused on Evelynn but something about reading the old blog made me feel a little embarrassed and selfish. I can’t put my finger on it as to what exactly makes me feel that way about what I wrote. Maybe because I often wrote how I enjoyed the break from Evelynn and how it is nice to get a chance to live childfree. That is not how I feel now. Part of that changing eh?! I hate being away from Evelynn. I don’t want the breaks and my heartaches when she is not with me. When she goes to England it is like torture. No longer do I look forward to weeks of freedom. I fall into a depression and count the hours and minutes until she will be home in my arms again.

I am looking forward to keeping this blog going. April I need to thank you for helping me to find it. I think it is going to be good for me….I already feel better just writing this entry. A sense of excitement as to what may come next, what else I might write about. Who knew eh? I look forward to growing and changing and having a record on it for me to look back on, to remember all the other me’s that are somewhere, I see them from the corner of my eye.

Tan