Sinroy

Stewart

2011-08-18T11:36:00.001-04:00

How different were you and I
You were night I was day
I wonder why you couldn’t stay

We didn’t see eye to eye
These tears are real that I cry

You were loud and rough around the edges
I wonder if you’re free now that you’re in Heaven.

Yesterday you made me mad
You made me scream and now I am so sad

I never knew how much I would miss you
Today all I want is my big brother Stew

Are you with Dad?
I wish I could know
Send him all my love from my head to my toes

I will watch after Josh the best that I can
Remind him his Dad loved him and was his friend

I will hold Moms hand and let her cry
I know she has lost her special guy

Please don’t go too far
Let us know that you are near
We will think of you throughout the year

Suddenly the world seems such a quiet place
Wait for me at Heaven’s gate

We will miss you Stew
More than you will know
If only in life I had told you so

William in a suitcase...ya I said that

2011-06-15T10:11:00.003-04:00

Naturally I couldn't wait to try out my new hardcover suitcase that I have been wanting for ages!! (ya...my mom had one this whole time).

My mom brought it over yesterday for me. I have a new born photoshoot this afternoon and really wanted one for that. I was cleaning it up and Wills thought it would be fun to climb all over. I quickly ran outside with him, took off his shirt, put on a hat that is way too small and put him on top the suitcase. Well before I could get a good picture he went face first into the grass! Ouch...poor guy.

So I thought it would be safer inside the suitcase but by that point he was having none of it. Still got a good picture so...score for Mommy!

2011-06-08T14:45:00.006-04:00

Dear William,

You are one.

You are one wonderful one year old! Hehe

How can I reflect over this last year with you when my focus is on what’s next? You think I would have learned with Evelynn to enjoy the moments and slow down. I am better than I was with her but it is still hard not to day dream about the little boy I think you will be.

Gosh, my darling William, if only you could imagine the love I feel for you. It could fill a room! No, it could fill the skydome! Regardless, it fills my heart. Each and every day with you is a joy and a pleasure (even when you fight me changing your bum, even when you keep trying to climb the stairs, even when you rip my magazine, even when you....well you get the point).

This year you have gone from a helpless newborn to a helpless one year old (obvious I know). There really have been the typical changes in you. Like rolling over, eating solids, sleeping through the night (yesssssssssss!) climbing stairs, walking around furniture, drinking from a sippy cup. There have been the less obvious changes as well. Your sense of humour, your spectacular dance skills (which I must admit come from both your parents sadly), your laugh, your lovey face (where you squint your eyes and make sweet little chatter noises at whoever you are flirting with) and how you have become such a cuddler to name a few.

A year ago I was excited to meet you. To see who had been so pushy for the last nine months. A year ago I couldn’t wait to have my body back, sleep on my belly, have a beer and eat soft cheese again. A year ago I could not have imagined what a joy taking care of you would be, what a compliment you have made to our family.

I think the most wonderful thing this last year might just be in seeing Evelynn adore you and grow. She loves you so much that I hope you never forget and never stop feeling it. You really do have the best sister in the world. But it is not like it is difficult to adore one of the happiest contented babies I have ever come across.

This has been one of the best years in my life William. I know it will keep getting better and better and I am so excited! This is what it’s about. I have it, I know the answer now and I am extremely lucky to have realized just what I have got.

I am looking forward to spending this next year with you!

Love always

Mommy

What is in a name?

2011-05-01T22:12:00.002-04:00

So I still have not come up with a new name.

What is in a name?

Does a name make us or do we make the name?

Regardless of the answer I know I need a new name...just what?

Sleep Training

2011-04-28T14:48:00.001-04:00

I am no expert on the subject nor do I plan to become one. This is just my experience I am going to share with you (the internet) in the hopes it will help some lost mother desperate for sleep.

Sleep and having a child under the age of.....ohhh 18 , is possible! I know it is because most nights I am getting some!

Yup I am getting some! Who knew that the expression getting some would regard sleep and not the other S word when you became a parent. Not to say the other S word is not important to get but when you are not getting the some of the sleep well...then you are not doing (I mean getting) some of the other S word. Follow? No? Good. Lol

So sleep and I have reunited and what a reunion it was! How I was able to function on such little sleep and not be a total...ahem..grump...is beyond me. Let’s just say it must have been some hormones or mothering instinct that kept me sane. When you are getting 5-6 hours of broken sleep and are still able to function relatively well, I call that a miracle. I can hardly believe I had the energy to try sleep training let alone look up how to do it.

There are so many articles and opinions on the subject it can literally make your head spin. Some say do some say don’t. Some articles claim you will cause brain damage, attachment issues. Basically I read a whole lot of things that would lead me to feel guilty about letting my baby self sooth.

Somehow I came across one website that really opened my eyes. It was post from other moms calling out for help. The best part though, was that everyone was sharing their experience. I could read about a mother whose baby was crying for an hour and still not sleeping but then read on a day or two and now said child is going to bed without a peep and sleeping all night. Is that possible?

It gave me hope. I could do this...I could have a baby that sleeps through the night right? One that doesn’t need to be held or nursed to sleep. A baby that doesn’t need his mother to fall asleep but Daddy or grandma or grandpa could put down just as easily.

So I began the journey of sleep training (which didn’t take too long actually).

A week before D day (or sleep day) we started a very structured routine. Put William in pjs (and clean diaper) give bottle (not nurse since I didn’t want him to associate sleep and me) read story (since I didn’t want him to have to fall asleep with bottle or nursing) sing song and put in crib AWAKE! That is the key. He needs to be put down awake.

Then promptly leave the room. Let him cry for 5 minutes and then you can go to him. Sooth him but do not pick him up. Stay no longer than 2 minutes in his room and leave again. Wait 10 minutes before going in and do it again. Then wait 15...20etc.

I know that I probably lucked out with William because some parents have had to listen to their little ones cry for 3 hours plus...and honestly I don’t know..I would probably have caved.

I was lucky...the first night was 47 minutes I think (already details are getting blurry)
Regardless...it was worth it. Now a few weeks later he goes to bed most nights without a peep.
We actually went away this weekend and kept with the sleep training. He cried a total of 8 minutes. So Matt went in once at 5 minutes and William cried maybe 2-3 minutes after Matt left the room.

Now he is sleeping most nights straight through until 7-7:30. Maybe waking once in the night but most nights sleeping through.

As for naps I use the bedtime routine (except no bottle he will nurse) and read a book and I put him down. He is going to sleep on his own and having longer naps. It is a beautiful thing!

So...if you have been thinking about sleep training my advice would be set a plan and do it! Don’t look back. From what I have read within a week (if not sooner) the baby will have it. You will be happier and so will your child.

True story yo!

New Post

2011-03-29T11:26:00.001-04:00

A couple of thoughts (now that I am getting some sleep I actually have those).

One, I need to rename my blog. Sinroy doesn’t do it for me....says nothing about me. If you are wondering where it came from let me explain.

Sinroy was the combo of Matt (my husband) and mine (my??) last names. Back before we said ‘I do” I jokingly said I wanted to combine our names. I didn’t want to give up mine (heck I had had it for 26 years and was pretty fond of it). Well I had heard that the new fad in Europe (they are always ahead on the fads) was to combine your last names and create a new one. Great idea right?! Well Matt didn’t think so, but it still became a sort of nickname for us. We used to joke around calling us team Sinroy back when we shared an Xbox.

So any suggestions on what I should call the blog?

Two, I need to post more often. I know how many times have I said that and yet it still doesn’t get old.

Well here is my thought on that one; yes I actually have another thought. Now that William is sleeping better and having proper naps (I will post about that soon I promise because I am sure it will help some desperate mother out there) I will have time to run onto the computer and give a little post or shout out or maybe delight you in a little picture. See, good plan.

Ok so coming up (because I have run out of time this morning) look out for a couple of post. One on sleep training, another on a catch up with the kids and third on our California and Disney cruise vacation. So to my readers (Nicole whoever you are) I’ll be back!

Tanya

Bath time

2011-03-29T10:59:00.004-04:00

ok..I know I am due (really really due) to give a proper post...I know this. In the hopes of distracting you from that I will post really really cute William pictures. :) Did it work??

Williams Valentine

2011-02-07T15:46:00.003-05:00

Some Pictures

2011-02-01T14:10:00.003-05:00

William 7 almost 8 months

2011-02-01T14:00:00.006-05:00

Really?? Are you almost 8 months already? 8 months and I am failing at my goal of keeping track of all your developments.? I swore that I wouldn’t let you fall prey to the second child lack of their information dilemma like I did. *Sigh* the only thing about parenthood that is a sure thing is that you will do a lot of the things you said you wouldn’t. Now that is a mouth full.

Where to go to from here?? Since it has been ohhhhh 3 months?? Since I last wrote about you. So much has happened. My fear that you would be content and never move was irrational. Surprise there?! Amazing you now roll front, back, side to side so all those hours I worried, all those websites I was searching everyday to make sure mine wasn’t the only baby content to lay and just…lay, was for nothing.

Imagine that…mommy worry for nothing?! Hehe

You have started solids. You like to eat for the most part…although you don’t really enjoy textured stuff just yet. You have gotten better. You are eating cheerios right now and it is soooo cute to watch your chubby little fingers pick at them and when you manage to get the cheerio actually to your mouth…well boy, mommy is just as impressed with you as you are with yourself.

I love how I can just look at you and make you smile. Sometimes I feel like we share an inside joke between us (although I don’t actually know what the joke is) but our eyes will lock and we will both smile at each other. It’s our thing.

To say you are a mommas boy would be a lie. You love everyone. Especially your big sister Evelynn. She makes you giggle and squeal and you make her responsible and grown. I know there have been a lot of changes in you in the last 7-8 months but I never expected so many changes to happen with her.

I love when your daddy walks into a room and you get uncontrollable laughter. I don’t know what you find so funny but I do know your laughter is contagious.

Almost crawling. You are pretty good at turning in circles and moving backwards. Basically a pro at getting yourself stuck. I am no longer pushing for you to move on to the next milestone I am happy to enjoy you being a baby as long as possible. I see now with your sister getting so big on me that it goes all too quick.

Cuddle with Momma….I am happy to as long as possible.

Fall 2010

2010-10-26T10:41:00.008-04:00

I can't believe it has been since September since I last posted. I always fail at this blog stuff. I can only say that I have been busy with the kids. Lots to report on....no time. As I type this William is in his swing watching me...of course I feel guilty the second I am not entertaining him or giving tummy time (almost 5 months and hasn't rolled over!! Must be my fault right?! Something I did or rather didn't do?!?!....awww mommy guilt gotta love it)

Lets see quick update.

Evelynn is in grade two. Evelynn is growing up and maturing. Even over the summer there has been a lot of changes in her. I thought she was great when William was first born and was extremly happy with her...well she is still great! Actually she is fantastic! She is a big help to her brother. She gets him things and now her big thing is she wants to dress him and help with his bath and read to him. It is awesome. He loves her too! His face lights up when he sees her and he gives her some of his best smiles.

hmmmm wonder if a new baby (and 7 year old) keeps you busy??

Evelynn has finally lost some teeth. She has lost three now...two on the bottom one on the top.

William.....well almost 5 months now (where DOES the time go?!?!) As I mentioned earlier he still is not rolling over which concerns me. He did twice in the past. Although I feel he is close to getting it (I think I said that before though).

He is a happy baby with lots of smiles. He loves being kissed and that gets some of his best laughs.

Always chewing on his hands (or whetever else he can get in his mouth) which leads me to believe he is teething.

Still breastfed...no solids until 6 months.

At his 4 month check up he was 13 lbs 10 oz 25 inches long. Healther handsome boy (doctors words really)

Everyone comments on how cute he is wherever we go. What big eyes he has.

Honestly we all enjoy him and I couldn't imagine life without him he is a real joy.

Other news....working on a website for my photography. Hopefully soon I can start making some money off that...at least enough for us to enjoy the extras in life (trips, movies, gift giving lol)

ok now before the guilt eats me up I am off to play with my son!

Two days and a boo boo

2010-09-07T16:43:00.005-04:00

Two days is all it took for Evelynn to finally learn how to ride her bike with no training wheels. I am so proud of her.

She was a little bit frustrated at the start (as she is when she can't get something right away) but she was determined to learn. We had set a goal that she would learn this summer and we were running out of time(last week if summer vacation)

Grampa helped the first day and then matt. Now she is riding llike an old pro!

I am happy that we have the bike paths around our house. Makes for a nice evening ride for her.

ohhh and there really as no boo boo ;-)

Three Months

2010-09-07T16:35:00.004-04:00

Three months already and I just posted about your second.

As you can guess time is flying by.

I am loving everym minute of it! Can hardly believe you are already three months old. How quickly you change from day to day...only thing that stays the same is what a good baby you are. (knock on wood)

Right now you are napping up in your crib (second crib nap of the day SCORE!) You have started going to bed in your crib (in your own room) this last week. We put you in awake and you drift off on your own (well maybe with a little help from the baby einsteins hehe) and sleep until early morning (two days in a row until 7ish) I could not be happier with this!

You are happy, hardly fussy. Lots of smiles and a giggle?? Well it is more like a squeak...but still cute.

You really are my little man and you have stolen my heart.

Two Months

2010-08-27T14:27:00.002-04:00

Is it wrong that I am only now getting to posting his two months? I mean he is nearly three months….

My thoughts on William being two months.

At two months you are now 12 pounds. At two months you are 24 centimetres long. At two months you are still an awesome relaxed baby and I am still deeply in love with you (although I don’t expect that to change)

You are sleeping through the night mostly. Waking once between 4-6am for a feed but go back to sleep until 8. It is great. Your sister still wakes me more than you….which needs to change lol

You are getting stronger, holding your head up. You certainly are more interactive now. Smiling all the time and even laughing. Not a giggle yet but a squeal. It is really sweet.

You love to look at yourself. You watch your sister. She loves to entertain you and sing to you and you have started to reward her efforts with a big toothless grin.

You love to travel. Car ride, walks, shopping you love being out and about. Always looking around and content.

Your Daddy and I managed to go to the movies and shopping and out to dinner with you all in one day.

You love your bath time. Especially your hair being washed. You sit in the tub and stare at yourself.

You have rolled over twice. Belly to back..although I think it was a fluke.

William each day with you gets better than the last. I am looking forward to seeing what tomorrow will bring.

What every 30 year old man needs

2010-08-02T18:33:00.003-04:00

Footie PJ's!!!!

Naturally ;-)

William Smiles

2010-07-26T14:21:00.001-04:00

Yeah!!

Tummy Time

2010-07-15T14:57:00.001-04:00

I am amazed at how strong this little guy is already. Well I shouldn't be surprised since he came out lifting his head looking around.

I don't remember Evelynn doing this well with tummy time this early. Guess this guy is ready to go! hehe

One Month

2010-07-14T15:13:00.002-04:00

William you are now one month old. How quickly a month has gone by. I know time moves fast but this would have to be the fastest month it has ever moved for me.

What has happened in a month?

You have gained your birth weight back and some. At your one month check up you were 10 pounds 1 oz.

You have rooted yourself more deeply into our hearts…and the hearts of everyone that meets you. A wonderful content baby you are. Hardly fuss and when you do I feel panicked because I am not used to your fussing.

The best little sleeper I have met. So happy with your sleeping habits. I can usually count on a 3 hour stretch at night if not a 4-5. From the star not confused on day and night. I joke you are already a better sleeper then your sister…but it is true. Evelynn still wakes me in the night more often than you.

I think there have been more changes with me this month than with you.

I have become more confident in my parenting. No longer am I worried if I can handle a newborn again. No longer am I dreading sleepless nights (because they are not that bad and I kind of get excited to see your face again and have another little snuggle). I know now I can breast feed, and comfort and really enjoy this time. I am not wishing for tomorrow or the next stage as this is so right, right now.

One armed Pirate

2010-07-14T14:54:00.004-04:00

Well...starting to feel that way when it comes to typing. I am getting really good (and fast) at typing with one arm lately. Seems as soon as I put William down he no sooners starts to cry for me wanting to be held. Not a problem...just means I am going to have big muscles on one arm and nimble fingers on the other hehe

I adore my kids. Really amazing gift to be a mother...nothing can top it. How many hours can I bank staring at their beautiful faces? How many smiles and laughs can pass between us. How they make me wonder. How they make me worry hehe. Sometimes they even make me mad, but that is ok. They make me feel.

Sometimes the thought of where would I be passes my mind. Where would I be if I didn't have kids?? What would be different? I have no idea really. I can't even imagine what it would be like (nor do I want t0).

That is amazing. I finally feel I am where I am supposed to be. I finally feel content.

Evelynn says she feels like a Mommy when holding him. I feel my heart melt when she does.

snapshots of summer

2010-07-07T13:35:00.006-04:00

Williams Birth Story

2010-06-27T22:44:00.007-04:00

Williams Birth Story

I had a scheduled c-section booked for Monday june 14th, however William had other plans. June 14th also happened to be my own birthday and to be honest I wasn’t looking forward to sharing my day. I did accept the fact that I would have to and we know that once we become parents it is no longer about us. That’s ok.

The countdown was on. You may have noticed I was getting nervous. I was feeling excited and scared. Part of me just wanted things to start on their own so I no longer had to think and worry about the upcoming surgery and what it would bring. Don’t get me wrong I was extremely excited about it bringing me my new baby boy, but I was worried about the pain and recovery that would follow.

Saturday June 5th I would have bet money was going to be the day William would arrive. I told Matt and my Mom I was sure he would come then. See Matt was going to Woodstock ( a few hours from home) to a race and my mom was going an hour away to another event. I felt that if he was going to come early that would be the day since I would be home with just Evelynn.

Thursday before I noticed my mucus plug was coming out. (I know too much info) I told Matt (which really grossed him out) I was a little excited thinking it would really be happening soon, but then I looked on the internet only to read that it wasn’t a sign and could come out weeks before you actually went into labour.

Saturday morning came and no baby. Lunch time and no baby. Mid afternoon Matt returned home and no baby. My hormones were everywhere. I was happy that we still had one week to relax and get ready. I was disappointed that I was wrong because I was so sure I would have gone into labour then.

That night I had a bath and I cried. I know it is funny I cried. I don’t know why I was crying. I remember saying to Matt that the worry of the c-section was getting to me. The disappointment of not having gone into labour had me down. My hormones! Lol it is always the hormones!

Went to bed about 12:30. Evelynn woke me once to say she loves me (not uncommon she does this almost every night) I woke to pee (was doing that like every hour by that point in the pregnancy) then just after 3 am I woke to a small gush (thought I was peeing myself) rain to the washroom and sat on the toilet where it continued to pour out (and I realized I was not peeing myself). I called to Matt that I think my water had broken. I asked him to get the phone and phone book so we could call the nurse to see if we needed to go to the hospital. We did so I called my parents and asked them to come in to watch Evelynn.

I was excited I was scared I couldn’t believe it was actually happening now. (So guess I was off by a few hours hehe)

Everything was going well. I was in a great mood (almost hyper) when we arrived at the hospital. I knew that soon we would have our little boy. Soon we would get to meet this guy we had been waiting for.

We checked in, I was checked moved into my room. Then my contractions started. They were all over the place but it didn’t take long for the to come strong and quick. By 5 am they were every two minute for a minute long. It was painful I will be honest. I believe I told Matt that I couldn’t do it again and I think William would be it hehe. I just breathed through the pain knowing it wouldn’t be much longer. At this point though they didn’t know what time my c-section would be just that it would be that day. I prayed it wouldn’t be long.

I had a catheter in place (everything was ready for the c-section) We noticed that the fluid was pinkish and chunky (which scared the crap out of me since I thought it was coming from my bladder) this was just after 7 and the shift had changed. Well the new nurse saw it was not in the right spot and actually was my amniotic fluid! So she had to put in another one. This was by far the most painful part of the whole experience. I am sure it didn’t help that I was having a contraction the same time they were inserting it.

(Wow this is getting long)

So we are told the c-section will be at 10. I am sooo happy and know I can get through it. 10am they wheel me down to the operating room. I am sitting in the hall (having contractions) while they ask me questions (not sure what they were asking me now) I get into the operating room and they start hooking me up with wires. Get the spinal ready. It didn’t hurt too too bad. Slowly I feel my feet become warm and then numb. I am laying down waiting for Matt to come in. I was sooo worried they would start before he came in. I was sure they had started and was asking where is Matt, Matt needs to be here. Well soon enough Matt was at my sure holding my hand.

I do not know how long it took before William came out. There was some pulling and pressure I remember rocking back and forth as I am sure they were trying to free him from me. I remember them saying that I was going to feel some pressure and I am sure I said ohm I remember this part (as it takes your breath away) but the next thing I knew he was being held over me crying. He was the biggest baby I had ever seen with big shoulders and chubby cheeks. I could not believe he came out of me he was sooo big. So beautiful. It was love at first sight.

Of course after that he is rushed off to get measured and his weight done. Matt leaves with him. I am stitched up and wheeled to recovery. It wasn’t long before he was brought to me.

It was wonderful. I am so very happy to have my little boy. It felt like a dream and went by in a blink. As uncomfortable as I was during the pregnancy I am so happy to have been able to experience it and I did truly enjoy it. Now I am enjoying getting to know him.

William is a wonderful baby. I will get into that more next time since this has become a novel. I have written this post more for myself than anyone else. We forget all this…well not all of it but the little things and I want to remember as much as I can. Having it on this blog is great because I can go back and read about it. I wish I wrote more on my pregnancy to go back and read. I just need to enjoy what I do have and keep going.

Thanks for listening.

T

hmmmm

2010-06-25T14:28:00.001-04:00

The question is.....will I ever get around to writing my birth story??

William Xavier is here

2010-06-14T11:01:00.006-04:00

William Xavier

Born June 6th at 10:43 am

9 pounds 11 oz 22 inches long

Wonderful baby

Will post his birth in more detail soon....for now enjoy these pictures.

Baby Bump

2010-06-02T18:00:00.002-04:00

Closer and closer I get. As uncomfortable as I have been I am still trying to enjoy these last few days (12 at most). Soon this little guy will make it into the world and I will no longer receive the sympathetic glances of strangers as I waddle around.

Molly Sweet Molly

2010-06-02T17:51:00.003-04:00

How can you look in her big brown eyes and not fall in love?

Beauty

2010-05-26T14:47:00.002-04:00

Sometimes I look at my daughter and she takes my breath away.

Beauty.

She is.

I don't know how I was so blessed with such a beautiful child both inside and out...and as cliche as it sounds it is really true.

Grand Adventure

2010-05-26T10:46:00.002-04:00

18 days until we get to meet this little one. (who is keeping count...ohhh wait I am hehe)

I am of two minds with this number. First I am so excited it is almost over and I get to see who this little guy is that has been kicking me from the inside out, who has been stretching my body and hurting my hips. I am excited to have my body to myself again (although if I am breast feeding is it really my own body again..cause I am pretty sure I am still sharing it). I am excited to take the next step in this adventure we call parenthood. What more joy can two children give me? What memories will we create together? I am excited.

Second mind set is I am scared out of my mind! I am about to have a major surgery to get this little (ok not so little) guy out. What can go wrong...no I don't want to think about that. How much will it hurt? What will recovery feel like? When wont I be sore? Will I enjoy being home with a baby?? I am so used to a six year old can I adjust?

So you see where I am at? Flip flopping from one to the other...I hear the clock ticking and know we are getting closer to B day (birthday) and there is no stopping it. I am sure hormones play a part in my flip flopping mind....but still...how can I not be nervous?

I think I need a hug.

Getting Set

2010-05-19T16:04:00.008-04:00

Soooo...bummed out. Sad because I still have so much longer to go before this little guy gets here...well unless nature takes it in it;s own hands and puts me into labour on my own.

Yesterday I was given my c-section date. I am booked to have this guy 7 am (need to be there for 5 am...ouch!) on June 14th (which also happens to be my birthday)

I am sad because I thought for sure it would be the 10th or June 2nd...I know it is not that big of a difference and shouldn't be so upset by this and I honestly can't answer as to why this has bummed me out so much.

On top of that the baby is still head up (which doesn't matter since I am having a c-section anyway) and also they need to check where the placenta is again in case it has worked it's way into my scar. In that case there is just the worry of my bleeding to death or needing an emergency hystorectomy. EEEEKKK!!

I go for that ultrasound June 8th. I am sure we would have known by now and I am thankful the doctor is being extra careful. Believe it or not I do want another child lol

Everything has been going well just the last few weeks I think my body has really started complaining about the weight gain (don't ask). My hips have vbeen given me so much trouble I feel like an 80 year old lady and should be walking with a cane or walker. This week they don't seem so bad...so I guess is comes and goes.

Matt has been supportive and helpful as usual. Lots of back rubs...I am sooo lucky.

On the weekend I had a surprise baby shower. It was wonderful to see the ladies from work and my friends and mom and mother in law. I had such a good weekend! Even my cousin Andrea came all the way down for it. We were totally spoiled and I am pretty sure we have everything we need for the baby and some!

I am nesting....I think lol. Today I have organized all the baby clothes (which I already washed and folded) have them put away, made the crib up and organized the babies room. All the toys are built we just need the baby now lol

Well I do believe that is all I have to say for today.

Ohhhh one more thing to add...I am 36 weeks but measure 42...so maybe you can understand why I feel so uncomfortable. I wonder how much bigger I could get?? Want to take bets anyone?

Stay at home mom stuff

2010-05-14T21:53:00.004-04:00

Soccer Girl

2010-05-14T21:31:00.005-04:00

Well surprise surprise (to me anyway) seems Evelynn is a natural at soccer. (ignoring the fact that near the end she tried to stand in the other teams net and block her team from scoring...not sure what happened there)...(and and minus the point when she ran off the field crying because a fly was in her mouth) she was really natural. Must be her English blood :-)

Thursday was her first soccer game and I am really proud of her. Considering the fact she has never played a real game (not even in gym class....strang I know...but she has played dodge ball so all is good in the world). Aside from some rain it was a great evening. Loved watching her out there and seeing her face light up when she looked across the field at me.

I am not sure which team won but thats ok...the important part was the kids had fun anddddddddd there was tim bits!! woot woot!

The newest little one

2010-05-04T12:14:00.003-04:00

So first off..No Matt and I did not have our baby yet (although I am feeling sooo ready and uncomfortable...only 4-5 more weeks.....only....)

Matts brother and sister in law welcome their newest addition to the family. Isabella. She is soo sweet and sooo tiny and we are so happy she is here.

They already have the cutest little boy ever and now they have a lovely daughter to add to their family.

They are a great couple, wonderful parents and truly blessed.

Matt and I were lucky enough to be able to drive up there Saturday to meet her. Hard to believe we saw her only a few hours after she was born. Something like that is hard to put your head around...well at least it was for me. It was truly amazing!.

Now let me see if I can figure out how to share a picture. Sadly our home computer has had it and that is where the pictures are saved....but with luck I can steal it from facebook maybe hehe

No Title

2010-04-26T13:55:00.002-04:00

Just a quick update since...well I should have no excuse to not be blogging. Honestly who wants to hear about the ins and outs of a house wife? Do you really want to hear how many times a week I mop the floor and can you believe I just dusted and it needs it again!? LOL

Funny...I am loving it. Now the only problem will be finding the time to clean this much when the baby comes. I love having a clean house! It gives me such a feeling inside..such pride of ownership I guess...such comfort in my home. I know when William comes I wont be able to clean as much..but that is ok. Maybe I want to clean so much because I am nesting...not sure if it is too early for that or not. I am sure Matt wont complain though lol

Ok..laundry ready to be folded..toilets needing to be scrubed (toilets never looked so clean lol)

I will try to post more..I would like to be taking more pictures too but my harddrive is full! Waaaa so need to fix that.

Basically I need a routine and once I have that going no fear I will share the boring details!

Maternity Leave

2010-04-16T16:13:00.002-04:00

Well I can hardly believe it is upon me now. I am feeling very excited (maybe a little nervous) and very sore! Lol

I am about to start my (early) pregnancy leave! Monday will be my last day at work . Feels unreal really. I can’t believe that after almost 6 years I won’t be coming into this place every day. Also it makes it feel as though the birth is really going to happen (yeah the giant beach ball belly that bumps and jolts around hasn’t made it feel as though it is coming ?! lol)

I am looking forward to having some time at home to organize and prepare for this little guy. Some extra time to spend with my extra special little girl. Some extra time to put my feet up and relax! (Yeah like that will happen)

I have had a great pregnancy really. I can’t complain too much (well I can but don’t want to) I am so thankful to have been given this chance to be a mom again (not that I was unmomed…unmom.un-mom….you know what I mean lol) but to be able to experience the joy of growing another life inside my body, feel him kicking and moving, watch my belly grow. …well it is something else and I have a whole new appreciation for it. So much different then when I had Evelynn. I will be honest and say I took her pregnancy for granted. Everything would go fine and that was just expected. I don’t know if it is age, the fact that I have experienced a loss or just where I am in life now that has made a difference. Maybe it is much more or less or all of those things combined. It doesn’t really matter though…what matters is how wonderful it is!

Yesterday I had a check-up with my doctor. Just regular nothing to report check-up. I am 31 weeks pregnant. Well if you have ever been pregnant before you know that at all of these check-ups they measure your tummy when you are lying down. Basically it is supposed to go how many centimetres to how many weeks you are. I should be measuring 31 weeks but lucky me I get to measure 36 (well she said that was pushing it really it is closer to 37). So when you think about it…that is full term. I get to measure full tern or plus for the rest of the pregnancy! Lucky me lol

Well out of time to finish or add more to this post.

Let me finish by adding I am blessed…truly am. Not only with this pregnancy but in so many ways in my life.

Pregnant Tanya

2010-04-08T09:19:00.002-04:00

This was taken a few weeks ago (do you think I can remember the date?? Ok maybe it was more like a month ago. The one thing I can tell you for certain is that I am a lot bigger now. A lot!)

Settling In

2010-04-06T09:12:00.006-04:00

I realize I was full of excuses almost a month ago about my lack of posting. Can those excuses still fly this time? Technically I was still moving…settling in…and really honestly I still am.

Or better yet I can ignore the fact that I am not current, that I am a horrible blog writer and just continue on.

Continue on it is.

Loving the new house! Really am! I feel guilty that I love it sooo much. It is just a house. Walls, floors, toilets (4), big bedrooms, bay window, high ceilings and a Jacuzzi tub! Just a house.

It is ok to be happy though. I think that is the hardest thing for me to accept is that I am happy. I feel guilty for being happy. Strange isn’t it.

Like me show you some of the pictures I have? Now the painting is done but there is still things in boxes (mostly pictures and evelynn's toys....boy does she have a lot of toys!) So nothing has been hung but you can really see it coming together...becoming ours.

Dining Room

Kids Bathroom

Master Bedroom

Master Bathroom (although looks much darker than it is....)

I am sure you can see why I am loving the new house. There are more rooms to show but that is all the pictures I have taken so far.

Busy as a Caterpillar

2010-03-11T09:54:00.001-05:00

So almost a month has gone by without a peep from me.

I can explain.

See…we got the house!!! Yeah! But it was a very emotional ride. We had it, we didn’t , we had it, we didn’t…so I certainly didn’t want to post until it was a sure thing…which it is now.

So we have been so incredibly busy getting everything ready, packing, moving things, renovating the new house and I have been too completely exhausted to blog about it.

I have learned that no matter how much you plan and organize things never go smoothly. That is hard to swallow.

Some of the issues we have had during this process (and I wont get into we are sold/no sold/sold not sold fiasco)

We got the keys last Friday (March 5th) 1:30 pm. Excited we run straight over to the new house…only to find them still moving out. Home we go, continue to pack and wait. We went back three more times to still find them moving out…ok they have until midnight technically and I am just happy to see they are actually moving their things out (never know with these people what they will/won’t do.

So we go to the moves and check on the house on our way home. Just after 11…no moving truck…in we go. So happy to find the house empty! Appliances were removed from the kitchen (we were really worried they were going to leave those) Basement is empty…garage…FULL! Full wall to wall of their things and all the appliances! Waaaaaaa! So we leave…certainly they are not done and must be on their way back with their truck for another load.

We go back the next morning to find everything still in the garage. We called our wonderful real estate lady (bestest one ever! Honestly she worked her butt off for us) she was on the phone with their agent and was able to get it sorted out. They came back that night to remove the rest of their things.

So we spent the weekend removing the old floors (all of them pretty much) all the staples and baseboards. Also scraping, cleaning and painting the baseboards.

We hired a cleaning company to clean the house for us (me being pregnant and it being nasty seemed the right route to go) Also to remove the wall paper in the two kids rooms.
Well that was a disappointment. They did an awful job! The place is still dirty and sticky. No way hear clean enough. The wallpaper was only half removed. I took pictures to show the owner and demand it was done right.

Ok my mom went there and demanded lol But she used to work for them and knows the owner. They have promised to make it right…I have not heard from them as to when but I checked on the house last night and the wall paper has been removed! Yeah! I hope to be surprised to today and it is all clean!

New floors are being installed and I am very pleased with how they are turning out! The painter starts this weekend and all next week we will be moving in.

So excited! Cannot wait to be settled!

Now that is an update!

Waiting

2010-02-16T15:44:00.001-05:00

Soooo the people who have an offer on our house conditioned on their house selling have an offer on their house now!! Which means that Wednesday (tomorrow) we will get the news on if we are moving and if all of this (meaning pain in the ass viewings and open houses and and stuff) will have been worth it!! (really worried that it could all end up being for nothing if we didn’t move or get the house we want) So…we continue to wait and hopefully have some answers tomorrow!!

Sooo keep those fingers crossed!!

Family Day

2010-02-16T15:39:00.004-05:00

Wonderful Family Day in Ontario. It is a fairly new holiday (maybe three years old…that is just a guess) brought to you in February. Hey I love a holiday just as much as the next person and would welcome a family day holiday every month!

So taking advantage of this family day we spent it together doing things we enjoy doing the most together. We watched movies, we played video games (kid friendly ones with Evelynn) and we went to the park and played in the snow.

It was a wonderful day and just a ton of fun and laughs to be doing it together.
Maybe we need to set more time aside and just pick a day each month and call it family day. Do nothing but fun things together and just enjoy being around each other. (Not that we don’t on a day to day basis I am just saying we need to make it more of a priority)

So in conclusion I had a great family day with the family!

Well....

2010-01-21T13:44:00.001-05:00

WE GOT AN OFFER!!! Woot woot!

So excited! Still trying not to get too excited since the other couple have their own house to sell. Keeping our fingers crossed…this is a step in the right direction!

I am already dreaming about being in the new home…awww Jacuzzi tub.

Longest Day In History!

2010-01-20T14:08:00.002-05:00

So…I know today is going to take forever to get through. We are waiting for some news on a possible offer on our house…but trying not to get too excited in case it doesn’t come or it may even be too low for us to accept.

I am just dying to find out what they are going to offer. I am pretty certain an offer will be coming since their agent is our agent. She called last night (after their second viewing ) to say she was writing the offer right now and they were going to sign it tomorrow (which is now today)So chances are pretty good that an offer is actually going to present itself.

I am hoping this means that everything is starting to fall in to place. That the whole emotional rollercoaster of last week is going to be worth it to receive a better larger offer this week. (don’t even get me started on what happened but I will let you know it had to do with a slimy real estate agent who lied to our faces)

So…readers! (Matt) Fingers crossed for our offer!

Dream House

Ugliest Boots EVER!

2010-01-13T15:28:00.001-05:00

So this weekend we went shopping for maternity clothes and Matt needed new winter boots.

While he was trying on his boots I spotted some ugly flower kid boots. I went over to them and picked them up. Laughed to myself about who would buy such ugly boots and walked away.

Then walked back. lol I could not stop picking them up. I loved them. I hated them! I hated that I loved them. They were on sale so I bought them.heheSo..the ugliest boots ever! (And I can't wait until Evelynn sees them, she is at her dads right now) I know she is going to love them!

The Ups and Downs

2010-01-13T14:34:00.000-05:00

Holy cow! The Ups and Downs of trying to sell your house might just be as stressful as an actual move. One minute I am up thinking we are going to have an offer. The next minute I am down because it hasn’t happened straight away. Hear some more news about some potential offers and I am soaring again. I am starting to get seasick with all this up and down.

I knew the whole house selling process wouldn’t be easy but I don’t think I was prepared for how emotionally draining it would be. Each viewing that last 10 minutes takes it out of me. I wonder why they didn’t like my house. Each viewing that last an hour takes it out of me and I get my hopes up thinking they must have loved my house…only to slowly deflate like a forgotten balloon when no offer comes in.

I am sure that it will happen sooner rather than later but as my husband knows….I HAVE NO PATIENCE! I want to move now! I want to be settled and planning baby stuff not thinking about packing and painting and flooring.

So in conclusion…Someone BUY my HOUSE!!!hehehe

Stuff Happens and That is Called Life

2010-01-12T15:04:00.005-05:00

So tonight the plan is to go to my friend Jen’s house and play some Wii. I do enjoy video games but the best part is she is making dinner! Yippie!

(only picture I had of Jen on this computer)

I did make an awesome dinner last night that still has me drooling. Meatloaf, mash potatoes, cauliflower and green beans. YUM! I never liked meat loaf as a kid and even still it is hit or miss with me. I either love it or hate it. Funny but I totally blame that on being a Gemini hehe

Also yesterday our real-estate agent came for a visit. Catch-up and update on our open house that we had this weekend. There was a lot of good feedback. A lot of the same response’s (kitchen needs updating, basement needs finishing) basically telling us the things we have said ourselves.

Still hoping for an offer soon. I want to be moved in and settled well before this baby comes. I am actually anxious to start buying baby stuff but am holding off until we move.

17 and Some

2010-01-07T13:49:00.002-05:00

Already 17 weeks! Almost 18! That means I am very nearly half way through. Hard to believe. It felt like ages just getting through the first weeks. Counting the minutes until I was in my second trimester. I know the rest of the pregnancy is going to fly by…and that really scares me.

So this last week my belly has really popped! No longer do I have the chubby belly I have the hard round belly of a pregnant woman. It is actually neat as it seemed to happen overnight.
I have yet to feel the baby kick….I think. I have felt flutters but I can’t be certain it is the baby. I am pretty sure it is. It is nothing regular. I am having troubles walking already. Some massive hip/pelvic pain. I see the OB next week and I am hoping something can be done or recommended. I don’t know how I will get through the next 5 months like this. I am waddling already (due to this pain …or hip problem) My husband already called me hop-along. I threatened to hurt him badly if he did again. Hehe

Trust me you should not make fun of a pregnant woman. We are hormonal and not always in control of our actions. (see Matt I didn’t mean to break a bag of chips over your head…my hormones did though!)

17 weeks and some and I am still very excited! Still nervous as all. I worry that something has happened and I just don’t know it yet. I am trying my best to relax and think happy thoughts. Doesn’t always come easy to me but the key word is try.

Christmas Catch-up

2010-01-06T11:14:00.003-05:00

Well…I kinda left my last post in not such a happy state.

Sorry for the super long vent there…obviously I needed to get that off my chest. I wish I could say that I feel better…but I don’t. Hard when you are in limbo and things are not going fairly and well. I want to live my life without all this negative crap. I have enough going on without having to deal with this mess. But…I guess we are not given more than we can handle.

So….since my last post we have had a holly jolly Christmas! It always goes by in such a blur. I feel at the end of it as though the wind is knocked out of me. It is planning planning planning…busy busy shopping wrapping cooking baking cooking presents treats visits DONE! Blur hehehe

We had a great Christmas though. Was able to spend lots of extra time with the kiddo. Was so magical having Christmas with a six year old. Honestly if I didn’t have her I don’t think it would be more than a few extra days off work and party. Once you become a parent that is when the real fun and joy of Christmas happens. Although I may not be saying that in 10 years when she asks for a new car.
New Years this year was a very quiet one. It was really enjoyable though. No expectations no disappointment. We stayed home and watched the Princess Bride (mine and Evelynns first time) and then played some video games. Matt and I watched the ball drop together all snuggled in bed.

I can hardly believe another year is done. I think next year I am going to ask Santa for a time freezer because it is just going by way too quick!

Ding Dong the Witch is back!

2009-12-22T13:12:00.004-05:00

Seriously! No seriously! I really would love to have my life back and not continue on this stressful, painful journey down the yellow brick road to...I don't know where.

Life is not fair. I get that. Believe me I completely understand how not fair life is. I know I have it good considering some people don't even have homes or food or medicine. But in the scheme of things I have sure had to deal with my own pile of shit (sorry for the language)

So...how many people have been sued by their....step mothers?

Let me take you back to just over a year ago...so you can understand the full amount of hurt this...low life has been able to bestow on me and my family.

My dad has been sick for sometime. He had pulmonary fibrosis (which is a lung disease). He had been managing well but with this disease it can change in a blink...and well that is what happened. He was slowly getting worse. Started need oxygen at home at night to sleep. he had a portable take he could take around with him if he needed (but from what I understand only used the last week)

December 7th, 2008. My cousin Jill gives me a call. "Hey how ya doing? By the way did you know your Dad was in the hospital? He had a heart attack Friday morning."

Wow...blow me out of the water. I was not expecting that. It was Sunday...how did he have a heart attack on Friday and I not know until Sunday? I had called his house Saturday and left a message but just assumed he was out.

So...I guess no one thought it was important for his children to know that he was in the hospital? Jill gives me the name of the hospital. I call my brother and he calls the hospital. Well they informed us to get down there right away as things were not good and we live 3-4 hours away.

We pack up make arrangements for children, pets and work then hit the road. On the road we received another call from my cousin Jill. She informed us not to go to the hospital as it would upset my father and he was not having any visitors. He was worried about us seeing him there. OK...well...we decided since we were already on the road that we would continue on and stay at Jills since it was closer.

Once we got to Jills the real fun began. No response from Dads girlfriend. No return calls as to how he was doing. She would not talk to us. The hospital would not give us any information over the phone. Finally Dads girlfriend called and spoke to Jill. She said that if we went to the hospital we would kill our father and that we should go home. He would be better and could have visitors near the end of the week.

I was not satisfied. I didn't know what to do. She had said that they were going to put him on a new machine and that it would either be good or bad. Good or bad?

Tuesday morning I leave a message for her. I want to know how the new machine went. I told her I wasn't trying to be a pain calling but I wanted to know how my father was.

A few hours later she calls and speaks to Jill but not us. Jill then yells at her and says it is ridiculous she wont speak to us. We are his children and upset and concerned. A few hours later she calls and speaks to me. She said the new machine was doing good and that he would be better in a few days. We should go home (yes hours away) and come at the end of the week to see him. She wouldn't tell me what this machine was. Something didn't sit right.

We tried the hospital again. We got a student nurse, what luck! She said..."Why are you not here? Your father is on life support you should be here!"

My father was on life support?? This 'new' machine was life support?? I should go home?!?!

Well that was it. There was no more keeping us away. Too many lies. We went straight to the hospital (whether she liked it or not, he was on life support!)

We were not greeted with a warm welcome. We were greeted like outsiders who had overstepped out bounds by coming to see my father who was on LIFE SUPPORT!!!!!!!!

None the less we went in. I kept my faith up. He would pull through this...he was still young, this had to be his first scare to really make him slow down. He would pull through. I kept my faith when she told me he wouldn't make it. There had to be a miracle. Something could be done? He was too young and I certainly wasn't ready to lose my father. I kept my faith when he was pulled off life support and I held his hand and willed him to breathe to hold on I squeezed his hand with everything I had I wanted him to know I was there and I believed in him and I wasn't ready to let go. I went numb.

This was not in the script...how did I not see this coming? I was so blind sided...I didn't know what to do. But good ol' Tanya who sees the best in everyone couldn't believe that all the actions leading up to this point by 'her' were to keep us away. To keep us from the truth.

When she told me my father had no will (even though I knew he did) I thought...well maybe she just didn't know. People do not really try and do this stuff. Surely no one could be that cruel.

How I was mistaken? How forcefully and suddenly did I get to see the real world and what it is made up of.

LIES. All lies. I know she is full of lies and the biggest lie was that she loved my father. How could she have loved him and do this to him and his children? How?

The worse part is she is still doing it. She wont stop until she finds us completely beaten?

My fathers will did come out. No surprise there as I was not the only one to know he had one.

Problem is...'she' didn't want to share. She wants it all...not just what he has put aside for her but she wanted everything he put aside for his children.

Over a year now....and we have paid her. We have tried to settled with her having something from us (which she doesn't deserve but we want it done and we want our lives back) Nothing is good enough until she sees us with nothing. She will fight this to fill the lawyers pockets then to see us with something?! why? What did we do to her? What about my fathers wishes? Why?

I am sooo tired of this and find it so unfair that she has the power to take from us. Where is Karma? Where does being good and just get you? Why do the bad guys win?

I am just so sick of this hurt.

14 weeks and some

2009-12-16T14:05:00.000-05:00

There are plenty of pregnancy blogs out there so I certainly don’t need to start one. I am only interested in making a few random post about my pregnancy. That way I will sort of have a record of what happened. Sometimes I don’t have a good memory and it is so easy to forget things. I would have thought I would have remembered every detail of my pregnancy with Evelynn…but such is not the case.

I wish I knew how much weight I had gained by 14 weeks with her. I wish I could remember when I felt her kick. It would have been nice if I kept some sort of a journal, and I say that and do nothing this time? What is up with that?

So I am 14 weeks and some. I know I am bigger already. I have been afraid to weigh myself (but know I will get weight tomorrow at my doctor’s appointment). I am bigger than usual to start due to recently quitting smoking and not working out or eating properly. Once upon a time I knew the inside of a gym.

Exciting news to me (and maybe my husband) a lot of my weight gain seems to be in my boobs!! Yeah!! I am pretty sure I have already gone up a cup size. I know that didn’t happen with Evelynn. I didn’t get bigger there until she was born and my milk came in.

14 weeks and some. I don’t know what else to say really, other than I am excited, I am nervous, I can’t imagine another child yet, wondering when I grew up, wondering if I have grown up. Really I am a mom…a mom to a six year old, soon to be a mother of two. How the hell did this happen?? It is great but I am seriously wondering how this has happened?

A moment ago I was dreaming about growing up and wondering what life had in store for me and imagining the children I may or may not have, the home I will make for them…and here it is. No more dreaming it has become reality. Is it strange that it is only now really starting to feel real?

I am Published!

2009-12-14T14:22:00.001-05:00

Yeah! So how exciting for me to find out this morning that some of my images have been published in a magazine!! Yeah! Sure it is a free local magazine (CK Living Well) but it is a start! Actually it was brought to my attention the fact that I have only been doing this for about a month and already I am published! (hehe)

When there is an online link available I will be sure to share it. Until then if you have a copy of the CK Living Well magazine check them out. Look on Page three and pages 13 and 14.

Also was thinking of my other post, the Big Bang…and well…another one of those moments where I put my foot in my mouth. I really don’t know what I was thinking when I came up with that title (Ok maybe subconsciously thinking about banging my husband I don’t know?) But I can assure you it was completely innocent. I think maybe it was big news so…BANG!! Big NEWS!! Right at ya….or maybe it was just subconsciously.

Okkkkkkkkkkkkkaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy….done with that now.

Glee!!

2009-12-10T14:09:00.003-05:00

I am not much of a TV watcher. I can never commit to being home in front of the TV at a certain time on a certain day each week to get into a show. Not to say I have never gotten into a show before. I used to watch my fair share of Grey’s Anatomy, Desperate Housewives and American Idol, etc.

OK so let me talk of the wonder of Glee! I have only seen two episodes but I think I am in love! What is better than a musical each week? Well maybe seeing an actual live musical each week but seriously who does that? And you would run out of musicals to go see eventually.

Glee is like the Dawson’s Creek of this generation (which so is not my generation anymore) OK so if you didn’t watch Dawson’s Creek as a teenager then insert whatever one you did…except if it was wrestling.

I just love the musicals and to be honest the story line is pretty catchy. From what I gather the glee teacher is in love with another teacher who was going to marry a different teacher because she was going to settle because she couldn’t have the glee teacher. The gym teacher (who looks like a lesbian but that is pretty typical) hates the glee club and is trying to take them down (I think so she can get more funding for her cheerleaders). The glee teacher’s wife was faking a pregnancy so now they are split! And that is just the drama with the teachers you know there is a whole ball of shiznaz happening between the students. Like teen pregnancy. (Ok so reading it like that is not how I mean it. You need to read it like I am saying it. Try….Teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnn Pregnaccccccccccccccyyyyyyyyyy)

Ok so if you haven’t watched Glee do it now. It is on Wednesday’s at 9 and in no way are they paying me to write this (but if they so wish to I am not opposed to being paid off hehe)

(Ok so if I knew how to share a video I would....but I don't know how waaaaaaaaaa)

Evelynn with Santa

2009-12-10T09:59:00.002-05:00

Sooooo…would this be considered cheating? The fact the my last post was just pictures and now this one? Totally lazy on my part eh? But who doesn’t love pictures? I get bored of blogs that have no pictures and….yup…don’t bother reading them! lol Maybe I have the attention span of a six year old and need some pictures to keep me focused? Maybe I just like pictures. Maybe it is a bit of both?

So without further ado here is a picture of Evelynn with Santa!! Ohhh and Mrs. Claus as well.

Xmas Cards

2009-12-09T13:40:00.003-05:00

Made a few little Christmas cards for our good friends Kim, Rob and their lovely daughter Katrina. They are an awesome family and I am so glad we can call them friends.

Merry Christmas & Such

2009-12-08T11:17:00.003-05:00

The Big Bang!

2009-12-08T11:14:00.002-05:00

More like the big update. I must confess that I have been withholding a big secret! We have slowly been letting it leak out among our closest friends and family. Matt and I are having a BABY!!! Yeah!!

We are so excited and anxious to be welcoming this little one into our family. Evelynn is beyond excited! When we told her the news she jumped around and screamed with excitement that she is going to be a “Big Sister”! (If I can ever figure out how to add video I will share)

I am sure it comes as no surprise to the people that know us that we are expecting. Matt and I have been trying…or wanting to have a baby for a while. A few close friends know that we had a miscarriage in April. It was not something I wanted to or could talk about when it first happened. It was very painful (not just physically but emotionally) and until I have reached this point I found it hard to share with people except for a few close friends and family. I didn’t want to talk about it. I felt it wasn’t fair we have dealt with enough…crap that we had to be handed another bad deal. Everything happens for a reason whether we like it or not or even understand it…because sometimes it is not about understanding it is about getting through.

Matt and I obviously are becoming pros at getting through.

So after the miscarriage we were ready to keep trying. I wasn’t getting any younger and Matt turned 30 this summer so we know he was not getting younger!

Month after month (ok 4 months) my nasty Aunt Flo kept coming for a visit. Month after month I kept getting my hopes up only to be disappointed.

So I did the one thing everyone told me to do. (Best New Jersey accent) “Forget a-bout it” Impossible I thought….how in the world would I forget about something that I was absolutely obsessed with?!

Well amazingly enough I did. Became focused on buying/selling our house. Thought to myself that the timing just wasn’t right I had too much on my plate and when that is all taken care of then it will happen.

Badda Boom Badda Bing! We were pregnant. Just like that. Forgetting about it actually worked!

So little Sinroy will be making his/her appearance this summer. Actually the due date is June 14th (which happens to be a great day since it is my birthday!)

There are many things to think about and plan before then…like how I will give birth….c-section? VBAC? Eeek!!! Can someone else do this part because it scares me?

OK…enough for now since this has become a long post and I am doubtful anyone will actually take the time to read it all.

Let me just add that I am happy the cat is out of the bag and we can finally start sharing our good news!

Thankful

2009-11-26T08:54:00.005-05:00

Sometimes we get so caught up in what is wrong or how people are wronging us in our lives that we forget what we have to be thankful for…and my friends we sure do have a lot of right things going on we should be thankful for.

I am thankful for my friends and family for loving me as nutty as I am. I really feel blessed.

I am blessed and thankful to have a husband who takes me for who I am. Who can put up with my childish jokes my breakdowns and my wild dreams. My husband who always supports me and encourages me to go for them….even when I am not sure of myself he is always sure of me.

I am thankful to have a nutty daughter. One who can laugh with me and joke with me and whisper secrets in my ears. I mother couldn’t ask for a better daughter and I know how lucky I am to have her….how thankful I am.

I have a lovely home (sure I may be trying to sell it but what I mean about home isn’t the address we reside in)

I have plenty of food to eat and clothes to wear and I never go without.

Really….when I think of it I have nothing but thanks for the life I have.

What about you? Have you thought about what you are thankful for?

What Happened?

2009-11-25T13:02:00.000-05:00

Was doing so well on keeping my blog fairly updated. What happened? Think I lost my steam…let’s keep this rolling.

Exciting news. Matt and I have finally decided on which house we are going to purchase (with the luck of our house selling) Surprisingly enough we are going to go with “smelly” house. This house has a great location, size, bathrooms. BUT…it smells and has not been taken care of. It is only a three year old house (previous owners being there for 1 year) The carpets and ruined with holes and stains…pretty sure they have never cleaned in the year they have lived there.

After exhausting all of the market here and hoping for something that didn’t require as much work but had as much space we came up empty. So after careful deliberation my husband and I have decided on smelly house. With some proper cleaning, new floors and new paint the house will be great!

So come on! Someone buy my house!

Please hehe

November 10th

2009-11-10T15:03:00.001-05:00

November 10th is not just any old day. November 10th is important in many ways. Not only is it the day before Remembrance Day, but it is also my Father’s birthday.

November 10th 2002 is the day I told my father I was pregnant with Evelynn. He always joked that was his best birthday present. I am sure I sent him for quite a shock…but in the end it all worked out.

November 10th 2008 was his last birthday with us. I think it was the best one I can remember. I went to visit him the weekend after his birthday. I wanted to spend his birthday with him last year. We had sooo much fun with him that weekend. It was a great time and such a good memory to have as one of my last ones weekends with him.

I am sure this comes as no surprise when I say…I miss you Dad. I would love to be spending this birthday with you. You would be 55 today. Too young to not be here. Too young.

Wish List

2009-11-03T11:01:00.001-05:00

http://www.futureshop.ca/catalog/proddetail.asp?logon=&langid=EN&sku_id=0665000FS10063624&catid=25820

If anyone wants to buy me something…just because I am awesome…feel free to pick off my wish list hehe

http://www.futureshop.ca/catalog/proddetail.asp?logon=&langid=EN&sku_id=0665000FS10063634&catid=25814

http://www.futureshop.ca/catalog/proddetail.asp?logon=&langid=EN&sku_id=0665000FS10122414&catid=25819

http://www.futureshop.ca/catalog/proddetail.asp?logon=&langid=EN&sku_id=0665000FS10073432&catid=11706#

Take a Walk with Me

2009-10-26T09:50:00.003-04:00

I took this yesterday. Somethign about this picture I just love...so I wanted to share with you. :)

Worst Mom of the Year

2009-10-26T08:41:00.001-04:00

So as I drove to work today I realized I deserved (another) award for worst Mom of the year. I gave some rather horrible un-mom-like advice to my daughter this morning. It really seemed like a good idea at the time but now that I think about it Evelynn is so going to rat me out! Lol
What is this wonderful classy advice you may wonder. I do want to tell you but worry on how you will judge me. I don’t have a script to read from when it comes to giving my daughter great heart warming advice (unlike Danny Tanner from Full House).

OK let me play it out for you. In the bathroom, brushing my teeth, Evelynn is telling me how a boy at school tells her she is the ugliest thing he has seen. (I know shocking) So my first advice was they typical mommy advice. “Ohhh I bet he has a little crush on you hunny that’s why he says those things”. No way she is not having it. He is an older boy she says but not sure how old. It is very mean and hurtful for him to say these things to here she says…and I concur.

“Well….I guess the best thing to say to him would be; I am rubber you are glue whatever you say bounces of me and sticks to you!”

Evelynn looked lost. Too long she will never be able to remember that she says. OK..well Mommy has another plan up her sleeve.

“I know you are but what am I?!”

Yup I went there. Yup I taught my daughter that. Yup we role played.

I just know that Evelynn will not hold back and tell everyone what her wonderful Mother taught her lol! Wow I am embarrassed. I just didn’t know what else to do for her…I felt as though I needed to give her some tools to stand up for herself in a non violent or hurtful way.

Guess I will get the bill for this in…oh 20 years or so from her therapist lol

Pet Peeve

2009-10-06T09:23:00.000-04:00

So I am a receptionist. I am a receptionist at a very large company. Let me say that one of my pet peeves is when someone comes in to said company and says there are here to see “so and so”. Well I then call “so and so” thinking they have an appointment and/or they are expecting this person.

NOPE.

They have no idea who this person is and it makes it so awkward because this person is standing over my desk while “so and so” is asking who they are and what company and telling me there are too busy to come down.

Arrghhhh just call ahead people! Set up an appointment instead of driving here and acting like you have one. It is better for everyone if you set an appointment up first! Is it really that hard to do?

geeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzz

Bitter

2009-10-06T08:59:00.001-04:00

Friday went better than I thought. I did not break down and crumble. I was able to hold it together.

I was disappointed in the fact that “she” took things that “she” shouldn’t have. Although can I say I was surprised? No. In fact I would have been surprised to find the things she took. She took my parents wedding ring. Sure my Mom and Dad were no longer married…but she took the wedding band that my Dad had when he was married to my Mother. I don’t think she had any right to that. Although she has done a lot of things I don’t think she has any right to. She has to live with herself so….

Also she took all of my Dads medical books. I ask…can anyone tell me why she would want those? What reason would she have for taking those? She is not blood related so she has no concern of the possibility she will suffer from pulmonary fibrosis. The fact that it may be hereditary (my grandmother suffered and died from it as well) so why…why would she take something that could be vitally important to my brother and I or anyone else in the family that god forbid could possibly have pulmonary fibrosis?

Wow I really really despise her. She is so cruel and anyone’s worse nightmare. I had been so naive and trusting and sure that her actions were a big misunderstanding. She wasn’t thinking clearly, she was in shock, grief but of course not intent on trying to hurt us or leave us out or take from us. No never that. Couldn’t be that. People really are not that way.
Wow did I ever get a huge dose of reality!

I don’t know if I really learned anything though. I think I will still trust people, always look for the best in people and never imagine the worse.

I don’t know if this is a good trait to have or just makes me a fool. Do I need to open my eyes and see people for what they are? Greedy, selfish only look out for themselves animals? Or does that make me cold and bitter?

In all honesty I know I talk a good game…but I will never change. I will trust anyone. I am sure I will help the next person stab me in the back by sharpening the knife.

Dreaded Day

2009-10-01T15:07:00.001-04:00

Tomorrow is a dreaded day.

Tomorrow is the day I will first walk into my father’s house since December. Tomorrow is when reality will hit. Tomorrow I will see his house empty. Tomorrow I will try to salvage what has been left for my brother and I.

I am completely aware that tomorrow is going to be almost as difficult as the day I lost him. Tomorrow will be real and all I can do is try to hold my wall up. I don’t want to crack.

Why am I like this? Why do I try so hard to hold it together? Why do I not want to show anyone me feelings and try to be the rock for everyone else? I don’t understand myself. I know it is ok to cry, I know people expect me to cry and be sad and upset and yet I try to hide it and I don’t understand why?

I am not looking forward to tomorrow.

Daddy

2009-09-30T15:57:00.008-04:00

As some of you may or may not know I lost my father in December. Getting closer to a year without him….but not a day gone by where I haven’t thought of him or cried for him.

I don’t know how to carry on really. I hold on to a smile and pretend that I am ok….but to be really honest I am just holding it together. So close to cracking, but I am worried if I do, if I open that gate I won’t be able to close it again.

For so long I have been able to focus my pain on the hurt and injustice I felt towards….her… that is all I have been able to focus on. It is coming to an end, closer and closer and I am beginning to worry about where that will leave me when I no longer have that to concentrate on. I am worried it is going to leave me open for…..I don’t know? But I am scared.

It is not that I enjoy the bitterness and asking the same questions over and over. (Why did she do this, why didn’t she call, why didn’t she love us, why didn’t she think of my father?)but for the last 9 months that is what I have known. That is what I have been able to focus on. Been able to focus on anything other than the fact he is truly gone. I can’t focus on that, I can’t think about that, I can’t handle that.

I can’t really grasp the fact that he is gone forever. As soon as those thoughts start to enter my mind I lose my vision, my throat starts stinging and it is hard to breathe.

I wonder if this is normal? Would other daughters feel this way? How long will it be like this? Forever? Until I meet my end?

I can’t forget those final moments of my father’s life. I held his hand praying for some miracle! Praying to wake from this nightmare because it felt anything but real! I was there but I wasn’t. I was a robot running on autopilot. I held his hand tight hoping it would keep him with me, hoping he could feel me there and find the strength within himself to hold on….to take that breath.

He didn’t…he couldn’t. But I held his hand and I hope he felt me there. I hope he knew I was there with him in his final moments.

I wish I knew if he was ok…if he hurt…if he is around me. Sometimes I think he is near but often wonder if it is my imagination. The wishful thinking of a lost daughter. I beg each night before I fall asleep for him to come to me in my dreams…to give me a sign that he is still out there, that he is waiting for me somewhere.

I want my Daddy and I am afraid I always will and life will never be the same…I will never be ok again.

G'Day

2009-09-29T15:04:00.006-04:00

G’Day Everyone.

No time to post (again) Will do one…hopefully tomorrow. I have stuff to talk about.

We went to the cottage in buckhorn this weekend. Had a great time…will write about that later (and of course share some pictures).

Also news on my Dads stuff (keeping my fingers crossed that it will be done soon)

And I will share some pictures now of my friend Jenny’s baby I took this weekend. I am very pleased with myself and how they turned out.

It was such a joy to see Jenny in her new role as Mother. She was some calm and relaxed and just had such a peaceful air about her (very unlike me when I first became a mom) I am so happy to see her and her little guy…I think it is a good thing.

Tanna

Funny Kids

2009-09-23T11:56:00.005-04:00

Ok I think I can admit this now or have finally come to the realization myself. I have been slacking. Slacking on myself. You know when you get to that place where you feel comfortable with your significant other that you stop trying? You know…who needs to wear make-up? Why should I brush my hair?

Well I hit that spot. It wasn’t just because I was comfortable with Matt (which I totally am and I know how much he loves me and is attracted to me) But it had a whole lot to do with how I felt about myself. I just didn’t want to bother anymore. So much has happened this last year….so much life changing (maybe I need counselling crap) has happened this year that I didn’t want to try. It wasn’t important to look good. Well…I was wrong.

As you go down that path and start caring less and less about how you look you start liking yourself less and less. At least for me. I wasn’t happy with what was happening to me and I didn’t know who I was anymore?

It is amazing what a little make-up and self care can do for your self esteem. You walk a little taller (not easy when you are 4’ 11) you have a bit more bounce in your step. A little more confidence in who you are.

Ok now I am sure you guys are wondering what this has to do with funny kids. Well last week I put on some eye liner (first time in ages) Also I wore contacts (usually I have glasses on). Evelynn watched me do my make-up and was amazed. She wanted to touch my eye lashes and thought I looked pretty. Off I went to work not thinking much of it other than I was trying to look more presentable…putting in an effort. Well after work we had Evelynn’s fun fair/meet the teacher night. Walking down the hall with Evelynn she sees her gym teacher. So first thing Evelynn does and say Mrs Blank (not her real name hehe) this is my mom! Isn’t she pretty she put on make-up today! (doh smack myself on the head and feel pretty embarrassed) I realized then that it must have been a while. It was a pretty big deal to Evelynn and I felt bad that I don’t put in as much effort as I used to. What example am I showing Evelynn? OK I know this can be taken the wrong way. I know it is a good example to show her to be comfortable with herself and that she doesn’t need make-up to feel beautiful. I get that. It is understood. But what I want to show her is that it is just as important to do things that do make “you” feel beautiful (whether it be wearing make-up or doing your nails or working out at the gym) As mothers we tend to start caring less about ourselves somewhere along the way and more about everyone else. We buy our kids and husbands clothes and try to make them look good…because it is a reflection on us. But why oh why do we not stop and think and try to make ourselves look good?? Isn’t that the biggest reflection of all?

Growing Up Before my Eyes

2009-09-21T15:34:00.001-04:00

I just want to take a moment…step away from the hectic schedule. I want to take a moment and see Evelynn. I want to take her in…because this moment is almost gone. I can feel it. I see her on the cusps right now. The cusps of little girl and little lady.

I want to hold her hand in mine for a little bit longer. Her hand may now almost be the size of mine but she still wants to hold it. She still automatically reaches her hand up to find mine when we are walking. How can I hold onto this moment?

Mother after Mother I am sure has asked this…have tried to savour these years. Have tried to find one way or another to make it last just a little bit longer….to squeeze all there is out of this. But they can’t…they couldn’t.
I need to enjoy right now because right now she still wants to sit on my lap. Right now she wants to cuddle with me on the couch. Right now I know a whole lot. Right now I am beautiful. Right now I am the best Mommy in the world and right now I can feel her growing up.

I took this picture last week. This was the picture that made me open my eyes and realize how soon this is going to be over. How soon my little cutie pie girl is going to be a little lady. I can see her changing right before my eyes. I see it as I stare at this picture.

What is a Mother to do? It is wonderful to see these changes but it’s scarier than anything! I am not ready for this! I push her to be more independent and do things herself for herself…but now I just want to take it all back! I want to do it for her I want her to need me I want her to be little for a little bit longer.

What is a Mother to do?

Busy as a Bumble Bee

2009-09-15T11:22:00.000-04:00

Matt and I (and my parents) have been extremely busy. It is a lot of work trying to get a house ready to be sold. Plus looking at houses, and finding out prices and costs and estimates it is exhausting!! Also very exciting!

So we have been really busy working on the basement. That is the area that needs the most work. As it stands when I left for work this morning most of the laundry room was tiled. Although it is the tricky stuff that is mostly left to do…the measuring and cutting parts. I hope that a lot will be done by time I come home. Matt has the morning off and is working with my stepdad to get as much finished as possible.

We are hoping to be able to have the house ready to list by the end of the weekend. I think that is very optimistic but would love to be able to have it up, and put in an offer on the house we want.

So I am utterly exhausted! Both physically and mentally. I know I can’t complain because I have brought it on myself. I was the one that wanted to move, I needed a bigger home, I was ready. So forward we go. Hopefully we have some good luck and everything works to our favour. Ohhh there I go being optimistic again! hehe

Progress is a Step in the Right Direction

2009-09-10T09:05:00.002-04:00

So a little progress on the moving/getting the house ready. Last night my parents came into town with the truck so I could use it to get some…larger supplies that won’t fit into our vehicle. Like trim for the ceiling in the kitchen and the dreaded Fake wood panelling!!!

Never in a million years would I have thought that I would be buying ugly fake wood panelling again! The joy I felt when we were tearing it off the walls before! Ripping it down and breaking it and sending it off to live out its days on a farm. Ohhh yes it felt good and I am not ashamed to admit it.

However….now that we must sell the house and make it look….somewhat presentable, the panelling must come back. Not all of it…just the parts that close a room back up. Of course it is impossible to find a match on 30 plus year old panelling so that means we are going to have to paint what is there so it all matches and looks…pretty. (Is that even possible??)

Let’s progress now. So it has come to my realization that we are getting much much closer to being able to list now. Sure there is still a ton of work to do but it seems as though it is all starting to come together. We have the supplies now (other then the ceiling tiles but we know where to get them so no problem there). All we need is the time to actually get this stuff done. If we work really hard I can see it being ready in a couple of weeks!!! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! (That is a little squeal and Evelynn does it too) I am sooooooo excited!!

Still…after all the work is done someone still needs to love the house enough to buy it. Let’s keep our fingers crossed that all this extra work and money will be worth it in the end.

My House is a Home

2009-09-08T11:30:00.007-04:00

Thought I would share some pictures of my house. I know that I myself love love looking at other peoples homes. I am nosey that way :)

How goes it?

2009-09-08T11:24:00.004-04:00

I know that is the question on everyone’s lips. I am sure curiosity is getting to you and you are dying to know…how goes it.

Not to worry a moment longer..I will not disappoint and I will let you know how goes it.

So this weekend we were plenty busy. There were houses to see, work to be done and family to visit. Matt and I are amazing at being able to fit a ton of stuff in a little bit of time. This is a trait I am just beginning to notice/appreciate. I never realized until I started writing about what I did this week or that….ya no wonder I am always tired hehe

Friday we were lucky to have off work. We were busy though. We dropped Evelynn off at school and then headed to Home Depot. We had to get prices on flooring and paint and trim and a door I thought might look nice but took like 20 precious minutes of my time just to find out it was too much money!!! (breathe) Then to a rental store to rent a pump and carpet stretcher and to Rona for more pricing and then home to pick my mom up and see more houses.

Look at three houses, then grab lunch then start to work.

Matt was able to get all the water out of the pond and we have fixed up the garden there. Now we just need to find a pump for the pond to make the waterfall work and then someone will buy our house!! Or not….

We cleaned and touched up paint and stretched carpet and organized cupboards and drawers!! Organized cupboards and drawers!~ Now you know I am serious about this house selling business…otherwise why organize drawers?! Hmmm I know the potential home of mine buyer is going to look in my medicine cabinet and be sold because I have it so organized! That will be the selling feature! Who wouldn’t want to buy a house that has an organized medicine cabinet?! Exactly!

On top of all that my cousin and my Nana came for a visit. Had a great time with Andrea. She always makes me laugh. She certainly got the funny gene. Nana makes me laugh too…just in a different way…a way that sometimes makes me feel bad about myself for laughing. Don’t judge...I know you all have laughed at an old person once or twice!

Also…(yes of course there was more to fit in) it was our one year wedding anniversary this weekend. Matt and I being the fancy people we are (remember organized medicine cabinet!!) went to the movies for our anniversary. Not only did we see one movie we saw two!!! Ohh yeah baby!! Two movies in one day!! Can you believe how crazy that is?!

So ya…busy productive weekend…and I wont even mention the sky diving.

Bubbling Over

2009-09-03T09:01:00.003-04:00

Excitement! I am bubbling over! I can hardly contain myself!

Matt and I have decided we needed a bigger house. (more like Matt has finally agreed with me) All week we have been looking at new bigger homes (YEAH) and getting ours ready for the listing.

How exciting is this! How scary! The list seems endless of what to do to make someone fall in love with our home. Really how did we ever like it? Is it so bad that no one could possibly see themselves living there? I know it is all about staging and first impressions. I know that there will be a couple much like we were and see the potential in our place….but how long will that take? I am ready to move on…but how long will this take? I have never had to sell a house before…being a first time buyer is much easier.

One thing I hate about looking for the perfect house is the pressure I feel. When you do see the one you think you could spend forever in you feel so much pressure that someone is going to come along and scoop it up before you have time to blink. You want to jump on it and lay claim. Tattoo your name all over it and confess your love from the rooftops. But what if the pressure is what makes you fall in love with it? The thought that someone could get it before you make up your mind makes you want it? I think that is what happened with the house we are in. I felt the pressure and I bit. So worried was I that I may lose a house that I may want that I took it so I wouldn’t! Does that make sense?

So how do I know now if I actually want it or if I am worried someone else will get it before I make up my mind?

I hate making decisions; I am always worried I will make the wrong one. I like to chew on ideas until they lose their flavour…but in house buying you don’t get that luxury. The longer you chew the more likely someone is going to order porterhouse.

Keep moving

2009-09-01T08:46:00.006-04:00

As usual I planned on blogging much sooner…but then life got in the way hehehe

So until I have time to write more I will post some of my newest pictures for your enjoyment…because I know so many come here for enjoyment hehe

So these pictures were taken last Thursday on my photo walk. It is a weekly photo walk I do with other people who are interested in photography. It is nice. We go out to different locations and take pictures and share. I enjoy it and I really enjoy seeing what other people have taken pictures of. It is interesting to see how we each can see the same object somewhat differently.

Anyway…enjoy!

Lost my ticker!

2009-08-20T13:02:00.008-04:00

Ok not sure if that is really what it is called but I am talking about the thing at the bottom of my old blog(remember pink) that told me how many people had looked at my blog. I want to know if anyone is looking!! Lol Is that sad of me? Since no one comments at least with the ticker I could see if someone has viewed my stuff.

So last night Evelynn had the biggest tantrum I have seen her have ever!! Well since I can last remember. She is six now so it is not as though she has tantrums very often, what she has at six is called attitude and lip! Lol Remember we all had that once too and then we moved out hehe

It was sooo silly though. It was over not getting ice cream or being able to finish her movie. This tantrum resulted in screaming and crying and head banging and that was just from me!! No seriously she was pretty upset but I kept firm and did not give in. She is wayyyy too old to be behaving that way. I think (I know moms usually make excuses but this is for real) that all the missed sleep and time change from coming back from England has finally caught up to her. Honestly she is not a perfect child (darn near close though) but this was pretty unusual for her. Luckily she was in a better mood this morning. Actually she even made a little joke about her outburst last night. First thing she said after she got up was, “can I have some ice cream mom? …..just joking (giggle)” Yup that’s my girl. I will take her with all her outburst and all her silly humour.

Extreme Make-over!

2009-08-19T13:40:00.002-04:00

Ok maybe not extreme and maybe not so much a make-over but more like make-up…or painting or I just changed the colour on my blog.

I was getting sick of looking at the pink. It was starting to make me ill and in need of Pepto-Bismol which in turn made me sicker because it was too pink and well…you can guess how that situation turned out! Anyway I like green. I like it a lot more than I like pink.

OK now that I got the big news out of the way on to more important topics.

As most of my friends know I have my camera with me most everywhere. I love taking pictures (much to my friends enjoyment..or lack of hehe) Photography is a big passion/hobby/interest of mine. Considering really there isn’t too much out that really reallyyyy draws me in I am more than happy to have something to get excited about.

Well I have decided that it was time to take my interest a little further. Unfortunately there is not a whole lot of opportunities in Chatham to expand my skill. So I will start by taking baby steps. I am going to start with a small night class on digital photography. Next up is photoshop (which is a bit more money and hours but will be totally worth it if I can catch on to it) I will be keeping you posted on the progress and also sharing some pictures.

So hopefully you will all enjoy this adventure as much as me! Maybe one day I will be taking your picture!

Morning Blues

2009-08-18T09:43:00.003-04:00

Blah. That’s what I have to say. Blah to today! It is a dark, gray, wet stay in bed kind of day. So blah because I had to get out of bed!

I had a wonderfully uneventful night last night! My biggest news was that I ran just over a kilometre without stopping. Did I mention yesterday was the hottest day since the beginning of time? You could slice the air with a knife and serve it on a plate with a scoop of ice cream. Yum. It was that good.

Well after my amazing one kilometre run and nearly dying when I got home. Only nearly dying because of the one kilometre run (see how that works…see what we do to ourselves all for the sake of…of…health! Ya Health hehe) I made dinner and cleaned the kitchen and played with my daughter. Awww does life get better?? I think not.

So isn’t that wonderfully uneventful? Pure bliss in the domesticated sense. Absolutely entertaining to read about. No? Ok well you know I never promised you a love song! Er…entertainment! I never asked you to take your time and read my silly blog now did I!?! ok…well maybe I did but I never said you would enjoy it! So don’t sit there and sulk like I let you down or anything…just suck it up and read my boring blog and make sure you make comments or you are going to bed with no dinner! I mean it this time!

The Adventures of a Has Been Was Not

2009-08-17T09:35:00.001-04:00

Is it possible for me to stay focused on something? How many years has it been that I have tried to keep a blog running to no success? Is it that I am uninterested in the things that interest me? Does that even make sense? Most of what I say doesn’t make sense so it should come as no surprise. I am a Gemini after all. Hehe

Does it make it ok that I take things on with the best intentions? I think not. Well not that it is wrong but I need more then the best of intentions. I think now is the time in my life when I need to focus or become a has been was not. Was I not or was I a has been? Am I going in circles? Trying to confuse you and trick you into thinking I am saying something? Shhhh I will never tell. Hehe

Ok time to get serious. Time to speak my mind. I have the stage now use it. … ummm hi. Hehe just kidding.

Ok…best intentions check! Things to say check! Motivated check! I think I have the formula (for today) to keep this going.

OK so I am going to really work at this blog. For real this time. I know I say that every time but I mean it this time! I need to stay focused and motivated. Maybe I have no readers but I certainly wont get any by not writing.

So my dear future readers, here I am! In all my has been was not glory!! Taa daa!

Plugging my Nose and Jumping IN!

2009-03-13T12:45:00.007-04:00

Well here I go again!

So we have gotten back from Cuba safe and sound (maybe a little bit burned). Everyone had such a great time and we would all love to do something like this again. It was super fun and really relaxing.

We spent a lot of time reading by the pool (or on the beach when it wasn’t too windy) I was able to get through the first two Twilight books (Jen still waiting for number three please) I can tell you though it wasn’t too difficult since they are extremely easy reads…which was nice cause it is sooo easy to get distracted by all the shenanigans the boys get up to.

We went on a boat ride, went to the second nicest beach in the world, snorkelled out to the sand bar (didn’t see any cool fish but was still fun and very tiring) and….and…drank! lol

I wouldn’t choose to go back to Cuba again (it was nice and fun) but would rather see other places. If I had to pick between the places I have been (Mexico, Barbados and Cuba) I would say Barbados was the best. I like it hot which it really was and plus it had the best food out of all the places.

I will be back to blog some more soon. Atleast I got started again!

Making a list

2009-02-17T09:32:00.003-05:00

And checking it twice

Count down to Cuba! I leave this week for Cuba (actually Cayo-Coco) for a week. I am sooo excited (except for the flying to get there part but that is a minor detail) I can’t wait to be relaxing on a warm beach and distressing. As most know the last few months have been some of (maybe the most) stressful days of my life. I don’t want to go in detail but just make a note that it has been stressful for me!

Not only do I hate the actual traveling part of a holiday I also hate the packing. I have yet to come up with the prefect formula for packing. My problem is I either pack to much or too little.

Of course I always make a check list but still something extra goes in or something gets left out thinking at the last minute I won’t need or use it and not until I am there do I realise that I wanted it.

Not to worry too much as everything will work out and anything I forgot I am sure Jenn will have brought. Hehe As I know she has thought of everything (and did I mention already packed!)

A Game Night!!

2009-02-05T09:47:00.005-05:00

Woot Woot!

Tonight is Thursday…well actually today and all of it including tonight is Thursday. My point is that it is the long lost game night! Once again to be resurrected and I am sooo happy! I really truly love game nights. It is a fun way for everyone (most of the group) to get together and laugh.

Game nights used to consist of a dinner followed by games but since the group has gotten too large it is just games (and maybe a drink or two)

Tonight is going to be a busy one. Firstly my parents are coming for dinner. I am going to make my yummy mushroom chicken which doesn’t taste anything like mushrooms. Here is the link http://allrecipes.com/Recipe/Baked-Mushroom-Thighs/Detail.aspx to the recipe if anyone wants it. It is very tasty and super moist and like I said it doesn’t taste like mushrooms at all (cause I know a lot of people don’t like mushrooms).

After Evelynn goes to bed everyone will start to arrive for the gaming!! I think tonight we might just play identity crisis again. It is a newer game that we (I mean Matt) got from my Mom and step-dad for Christmas. Way better then I thought it would be and have played it a few times already. I think my parents will stay to play (even though my mom likes to be in bed for eight lol) I know they are very curious to see how this game works.

I am really looking forward to having the group together for a game night. It feels like ages since we have all gotten together. Actually it has been since before December that we have even had a proper try at game night. I know not all of the game group will be there but I have a feeling most will be trying. Plus I bribed them with pigs in a blanket hehehe.

Sad Sad Sociey

2009-02-03T11:43:00.004-05:00

So because I want to blame my problems on someone else I think I will. It is fun to point fingers! Lol j/k. What I want to say is I am blaming my self esteem problems on society and the reason being is “HELLO!!” they are calling Jessica Simpson Fat! I mean come on!!! Give me a break. No wonder there is such a huge anorexia problem! If Jessica Simpson is fat then I am obese! Just makes me sick the way we judge each other on our weight and looks when none of that even matters. That is not important but we put such emphasis on our appearance as though that means more then anything. Means more then being kind, means more then being productive in society, means more then being a criminal!

No wonder my five year old daughter comes home from school with comments such as “I’m fat”, “I have a fat bum”, “Look how fat my thighs are”. WTH!! Really! She is five. It hurts sooo much to hear her say those things and I cannot believe at five they already are concerned with their weight! Society stinks sometimes! I am not going to say I never get down and compare myself to the stick thin stars. I know I never say any of those things about myself in front of my daughter or anytime she is even remotely close enough to hear them or pick up on them.

Some of the things she says just blow me away. Makes me very concerned and worried that I am not teaching her the right values. I never judge someone by their weight and always tell her to never judge a book by the cover; it is what is on the inside that matters.

I can recall one night when I was putting her to bed and she said to me that she was happy she didn’t have a fat Mommy. What do you say to that! I was shocked and couldn’t believe that I heard her right. I told her that it doesn’t matter if a Mommy is fat or thin what matters is if she loves her children and does everything she can for them.

Do you see what I mean?! How can my child be so judgmental to herself and others about weight?? I teach her that looks and size does not matter but still there is obviously a stronger influence at play.

I question myself…obviously I am not doing something right there? At five, at ten, at fifteen even at twenty she should not be thinking those things about herself or others. I don’t know what to do differently. I just hope that with time my lessons (like some others) sink in. I don’t want my daughter to be a part of a sad society.

Tic Toc Lost

2009-02-02T10:48:00.006-05:00

So the best of things are always started with good intentions right? I was soo excited I found my blog, so eager to start posting (regularly) and *fizz* *pop* that’s it??? After only two entries!! No no no….I will not give up that easy and of course I have an excuse. (Isn’t that handy) Really though I do! You see my computer is not working so I can’t post at home. I will try now to make more of an effort to post from work…plus it makes sense to do it from work…blogging is not eating into my relaxing on the couch play video games or watch a movie time! Great plan I know…only took me a few weeks to think of it. Sorry I am slow I have a lot of on my mind! (See how easy excuses are to make)

Now…what to write?? Do you want to know about my day to day life (you as in April since she is the only one that reads this lol) or my inner secret thoughts and dreams and regrets and hopes?? I know! You want the juicy stuff!! Lol I honestly don’t know what you will get. Writing is like painting or my songs that I make up…I don’t know what is going to come out…it just happens. I once described my painting as being possessed and honestly that is how all of it feels. It just happens…I don’t think about it first. My fingers start typing and ohhh look I wrote a story….I start singing and wow that was a cool song (mostly I say “what did I just say” lol cause I don’t know what came out of my mouth) Painting is the same, I don’t think about what I am going to paint and my hands start moving and next thing I know I am done. I love it but it is truly a strange state to be in.

I will start with this weekend and what went down. Firstly it was Friday!! Yeah the way most weekends start. (Except for next since I have Friday off hehe) hmmmm…so what did I do Friday??? Ohhh yes I made dinner I remember that…and then gave Evelynn a bath and played Barbie’s!! Hehehe I remember when I was little and I used to bug my mom to play Barbie’s with me. I used to get sooo mad that she wouldn’t play whenever I wanted. I swore up and down that once I became a Mommy I would play Barbie’s with my daughter whenever she wanted! How the roles change. Evelynn gets mad cause it seems I never have the time to play with her whenever she wants. Mommy has to cook, or clean or pack lunches or fold laundry. No Barbie’s whenever she wants, but I do try and she gets Barbie’s with Mommy whenever I can. Let me tell you though that Barbie’s are not as fun to play with as I remember.

Saturday morning was Evelynn’s dance class. She is taking tap, ballet and hip hop. It is extremely cute to see all the little girls dancing and trying to keep up with the teacher. I couldn’t keep up so you can imagine five year olds trying. Poor Evelynn has inherited my coordination. Hehehe I am sure it will improve but honestly I have no rhythm so why would I expect my daughter to. She has fun and enjoys doing it and that is all that matters. Also maybe since she has gotten into it so young she will learn coordination?? Maybe…cause really that can’t be inherited right??

She can’t inherit a clumsy gene can she? Point is, too cute; hurt my cheeks smiling with pride and her dancing her heart out without a care in the world.

Straight after dance we drive to Grimsby to see Matt’s Dad and have dinner with him. Had a nice visit. Evelynn said that he made the best spaghetti she has ever had! She was learning how to play chess which amazed me since she was doing well. I don’t even know how to play and I am sure she could kick my butt! Is it pathetic that my five year old can teach me how to play chess??

After dinner we went to Matt’s Mom’s house. Evelynn had a late night playing with the kids and us adults had a good laugh playing a board game. We played a new one that we got called Identity Crisis; it is a lot of fun!

Sunday I was co-hosting a baby shower for my sister in-law. Everyone had a great time and my new nephew James slept through the whole thing being passed around from lady to lady.

I don’t know why I was laughing in my head at all the ladies wanting to hold the little guy. I guess because it is so predictable or stereotypical. Lol! But it is true! They all flock (including myself) drooling and itching to hold the little baby. We all stare at the little feet and little hands remembering our own and trying hard to imagine they were that small again (which is odd since when they are that small I couldn’t wait for her to get as big as she is now) It was a good time and all the ladies had fun. I think I made my mother-in-law proud as she kept telling all the ladies it was all my plans hehe.

I hope this weekend coming is a little more relaxing and I am looking forward to just being at home. We are on the road a lot and to me nothing is better then being at home. It is hard when family live so far apart from each other.

That is all for now and to be honest I think I did a good job! Let’s see what tomorrow will bring.

Tanna

Five and a half

2009-01-23T15:24:00.004-05:00

Dear Evelynn,

I wish I started writing letters to you sooner. Once a month from when you were born. I see lots of moms do that and I really wish I had. It is a wonderful way to keep track of your progress and growth. So easy do, we forget the little things. How our minds fog with time.

I want to be able to answer your questions when you are older about what you did at what age and what you were like as a little girl. I hope I can. I will do my best and that is all you can ask from anyone and especially yourself. Always do your best.

There are letters I wrote you in your baby book. Nothing regularly but at least they are there.

Five and a half…five and a half. Amazing. My once little bundle of sweet baby in my arms is five and a half. I am speechless. There is so much I wish to tell you but I am utterly speechless with the specialness of you and this wonderful age. I do long for my baby girl but I am excited for the changes I see in you my darling daughter. The little independent person you are. Each day is new and wonderful and to get to see the world through your innocent eyes is one of the greatest gifts.

I know that Mothers and Daughters have a special bond, but I would like to think that ours is more special then any other before us. The closeness I feel to you and the unconditional love takes my breath away sometimes. How did I get sooo lucky? I know I must be doing something right with you.

You tell me I am your best friend and my wish is for that to never change. You say ‘Mom I can tell you anything right?’ my answer is always the same, ‘Always Evelynn, always”.

We have so much fun together and I am glad your interest are growing and maturing. We play board games and cards which are one of my favourite things to do and to get to share that with you and pass on the love of gaming with you is a wonderful experience. I know that there will be many nights full of laughter and cards as the years go by, as you turn into a woman and have your own children.

You love school. You are in senior kindergarten which means you only go every other day. You hate nonschool days. I think that is awesome and hope for you to always have a love and joy for learning. Education is a key that can unlock many doors for you in your future. I will try to always encourage you to do your best and be your best. I know you can do it.

You are my perfectionist. How you get frustrated when you are unable to do something on your first try. You are starting to learn that practice makes perfect. Often you say it before I get a chance to. If you are doing something and start to get frustrated you catch yourself now and say, “That’s ok right Mom? Practice makes perfect and I will get it the more I try right?” Could it be that my lessons are sinking in? I just hope that I can teach you the right ones.

I find it hard to believe I am your mother. I have this huge responsibility that weighs heavy on me. It is not a burden by any means, just something I am aware of and of course nervous that I am not going to do it right.

I know in the end the most important thing to give you is love and love you have plenty of. Not a day or hour goes by when we are together that I don’t tell you I love you or let you know how special you are to me. You do the same thing to me and darling…it is wonderful to hear those words (no matter how many times a day you say it).

Love Mommy

From the Corner of my eye

2009-01-22T08:30:00.003-05:00

IS it possible? Is this real? Can i really be starting my blog up again?

I don’t know why I stopped…I think the problem was I felt too busy and it became too much of an effort for me to keep it up. Lazy in other words.

I am going to look at this as an adventure. It is something I want to do, but when the point comes that it feels like a chore I will stop. I won’t put pressure on myself to write everyday, to have something interesting or exciting to write about. Just let it be what it is. What it is I don’t really know….but for now I will let it be with no demands on myself and hopefully just enjoyment of sharing my thoughts, day to day life and pictures.

I am not a writer. I don’t have to put a label on myself or an expectation for this to be something more than what it is. A Diary essentially. I didn’t realize that until I found this again (after months of thinking about it and searching for it) to read about my life, things that happened three years ago. Things I forgot about. It was a laugh, it was emotional and it was a journey. It amazes me how you can forget. How things seem like they will never change and one day you blink and they have. You don’t notice when you are going through the change or changes, just one day you realize you are not who you were yesterday. I believe it is vital for everyone to change. It is part of human nature. Evolution if you will. There is a song Lilly Allen sings called ‘Everybody’s Changing” that I really like. There is a line in the song that goes “Everybody’s changing and I don’t know why”. I used to feel that way myself until I realized that it is important to change and to grow as a person and as a society. It is hard to accept the fact that we all change and when people around us change it is hard not to feel hurt.

I think finding my old blog made me realize just how much I have changed. I am more comfortable with myself now and making myself happy. My focus is more on my family. Sure I was always focused on Evelynn but something about reading the old blog made me feel a little embarrassed and selfish. I can’t put my finger on it as to what exactly makes me feel that way about what I wrote. Maybe because I often wrote how I enjoyed the break from Evelynn and how it is nice to get a chance to live childfree. That is not how I feel now. Part of that changing eh?! I hate being away from Evelynn. I don’t want the breaks and my heartaches when she is not with me. When she goes to England it is like torture. No longer do I look forward to weeks of freedom. I fall into a depression and count the hours and minutes until she will be home in my arms again.

I am looking forward to keeping this blog going. April I need to thank you for helping me to find it. I think it is going to be good for me….I already feel better just writing this entry. A sense of excitement as to what may come next, what else I might write about. Who knew eh? I look forward to growing and changing and having a record on it for me to look back on, to remember all the other me’s that are somewhere, I see them from the corner of my eye.

Tan

Mr & Mrs. Colby!!

2006-09-06T21:57:00.000-04:00

April and Joe have finally tied the knot. Well over a week ago. I know I am the slowest blogger ever but really I have been busy!

The wedding was wonderful. Everything turned out even better then I had thought. The rain held off, it wasn't too hot, The yard looked lovely, all the girls looked great and the guys too. The gun club looked amazing and I must give April credit as to her wonderful ideas. I wish I had more pictures to share but my digital camera can only hold 25. One day I will have a better one.

There was a big turn out as well to the reception and everyone had a lot of fun. There wasn't much dancing though. Matt and I tried to get the dance floor going but we could only manage to get my parents up there and another couple. Ohhh well we tried.

Matt looked amazing too. He was dressed all in black. Awww my little Johnny Cash. hehehe I like seeing him dressed up and I am sure he likes to see me dressed up too.

So a year in the planning and now it is all done with. Just have to wait for them to renew their vows! hehehe

The only sad thing I can report is I didn't get through my speech. It was a really good speech too. I did go up there but I got too nervous. Everyone thought what I had said was my real speech and liked it but I do regret not getting through the actual one. I did give it to April so she can keep for her scrapbook.

Anyway the important part. PICTURES!

This is in the morning after getting our hair done. Eating and running.

The happy couple. Mr & Mrs Colby!!!

This is Aprils Favourite picture. I shall call it the girlz.

My Family

awwwww we look good! ;)

Last one of the girls.

Like I said it was a wonderful day and I am sooooo happy I was able to be a part of it. :)

Too Little Time

2006-08-22T07:25:00.000-04:00

There is soooo much stuff I want to write about but I just can't find the time.
I am in Aprils wedding this weekend so my week is very booked plus having Evelynn so I know there wont be any time this week to catch Everyone up. I just wanted so share some pictures from this weekend of MAt's Wedding. I work with him.
Also as soon as I can I will catch everyone up on my life I promise! :)

Tina Walking down the asile

Me, Matt & Barb

Matt & Barb

Fern&Kevin

Class Clown Kevin

I was Thirsty!

We clean up well!

April's Shower

2006-07-17T07:05:00.000-04:00

Taking me a long time to do any post. This week hopefully I will be able to catch up on all the post I want to do.

These pictures are from April's Bridal shower which was last Saturday. It was...a...very interesting day. Let me begin.

First off Saturday was the day Evelynn and Mark left for England. I was to drive them to catch the Robert Q which takes them to the airport. From there April and I were supposed to finish setting up for the shower and cooking my hashbrowns.

Well driving with April and Evelynn in my car, almost to Marks house some chick rear-ended me. She was drinking her coffee instead of watching the road.....

I freaked out because A; my daughter was in the car, B; we had to get them to the Robert Q so they didn't miss their flight and C; My car was rear-ended!! I have been driving for 8 years and never had I been in an acident so I was pissed!

Well we got all the details and got Mark and evelynn off on time. I MISS her sooooooooooo much!

Then we went to the police station made a report and made it to the shower with no time to spare.

The shower was good. Played some games ate some food there was a pretty good turn up. April made out well and got a ton of things for her home.

Anyway...it's the morning and I need to get ready for work now. Will post again soon!

1..2..3!!

2006-07-10T20:57:00.000-04:00

SO thought I would show the changes three years can make.

Evelynn the day she was born.

This is as close as I can find for her 1st birthday as the rest I have prints rather then digitals for.

Birthday #2

Birthday #3. As you can tell she was very excited! :)

Wonderful '3'

2006-07-10T17:38:00.000-04:00

My Baby, or rather child, is now the wonderful, delightful age of 3! I couldn't be more excited and saddened at the sametime.

How fast these last three years have flown by. How many changes I have been able to experience with her. How much growing we have both done.

I am excited to see what the next three years will bring for us. There will still be some first, not as many though. We have the first day of school, first lose tooth, first bike ride, first writen letter and read word. I am thrilled and so proud. I know it will be fantastic.

How I love being Evelynns mother. I could never have imagined what being a mother would be like. Now that I know for certain she can remember things i am even more excited to make every day as fun as possible. I know to be realistic there are going to be the boring lets just watch t.v. days...but I just want her to have amazing fun childhood memories.

Talk about her birthday now. Evelynn was very spoiled by all. She has so many new toys now and outfits. Lucky girl. We had a family party the Sunday before her birthday. A nice BBQ and Grandma & Grandpas house. Big Grandma & Grandpa came, Greg, Aunt Susan and Uncle Murray. Aleshia, Bryan and Dylan. April, Uncle Stweart and Joshua were there too. Of course Matt was there to enjoy the fun day.

The weather was not as nice as the day before but atleast we didn't get rained out and were able to stay outside for the whole afternoon. We played and had a nice BBQ dinner with Hamburgers and Hot dogs and tons of salads. Then it was present time! Evelynn was very cute reading her birthday cards. Here are what some read (to her anyway hehehe) 'Happy Birthday Evelynn', 'Chocolate cake'. It was funny.

Now she loved the cake. I was so happy. Although next year I plan on making my own because it sure cost a lot for a cake. $27!! I could have bought her a nice present with that money although she sure doesn't need anymore. Anyway the cake had all of her favourite princesses on them which are now on her dresser. She loved it and ate a whole big slice with it getting up to her eyes! I don't know where she gets that from because I made just as much of a mess as she did.

She was pretty worn out from the day and went to bed when we got home. The birthday didn't end there though. On Friday the 7th (her actual birthday) I had a small BBQ at my place for her. Grandma, Grandpa, Uncle Stewart, Joshua and Matt came. We had a ton of food. Ate steak and potatoes, corn on the cop, salad, susages. I had a pie too but we didn't get to that. More presents to open. She got an awesome princess scooter from Matts Mom and step dad. She loved it but couldn't figure out why is was missing the seat. She kept trying to sit on it but by the end of the night she was an old pro.

So three has come. I hear it is worse then 2 but I doubt that. I am excited about her growing up and developing into her own little person more and more each day. Saying that though, Not a day goes by that I don't dream of holding my baby again. That's the good thing about dreams though, you can always hold onto your dreams.

More to come

2006-07-02T12:01:00.000-04:00

Today is the day we party hard for Evelynns BIG 3rd birthday. We are having all the family over to my moms house for a BBQ. I am hoping the rain holds off so we can all be outside. Really the place is big but i don't think it is big enough for 30 people. Eeeek.

We spent the day there yesterday getting salads ready and things. Evelynn spent the whole day outside playing in her pool and running around. It was great. She wore herself out good. Was asleep around 7"30. She had sooo much fun.

So i am going to post pictures from yesterday and then this week post pictures from today.

enjoy.

Done with the last Post

2006-06-28T15:54:00.000-04:00

I wont even try and mess with it anymore. I can't fix and and now just when I thought I fixed it...half of it went missing!! So I will pretend that post didn't happen and try and post tonight. I have some cute pictures of Evelynn I want to post. April gave her an early birthday present so I will make sure to get them on tonight.

Busy Days

2006-06-21T22:05:00.000-04:00

I am really surprised and how many people want me to keep blogging and actually miss my blog. I had no idea so many people read it everyday. I don't find myself very interesting and I am not that good at writing. Personally I like to read blogs with people ranting and complaining. I don't think I do that too much really. Mostly I just write about my day to day life and Evelynn.

I think I will just do random post...mostly if I have pictures to follow because pictures always make post more interesting.

These pictures here are from when I made my Roast beef dinner and had my parents over.

I have been really busy the last few weeks and I think that will be the theme for the summer. With Aprils wedding and everything else going on. I have Evelynns birthday coming up, Aprils shower, E

Camping pictures

2006-06-07T22:59:00.000-04:00

Just some pictures from this last weekend camping.

My Daddy

My Baby *tear*

My cousin Andrea and I

My Aunt Judy and Cousin Andrea

Evelynn trying to feed my Aunt Judy's doggy Willow

Last but not least Matt and his BIG CATCH!! lol

Hold The Post!!

2006-06-07T22:54:00.000-04:00

I know I know. I have been slacking in the posting department. Once again lost the feel for blogging. I know it will come back if given the proper amount of time. I just don't want it to feel like something I have to do but something I want to do.
As most of the people that read my blog know me I will let everyone know when I feel the need to post again. I am sure it will be sometime soon maybe I just need a few weeks off. From time to time I may just post some pictures or just write about a super fun night.
So sorry for not writing this sooner and letting you guys know.

- Tanna

My show

2006-05-24T23:03:00.000-04:00

My talent amazes me! Look what I can do!!

Be Afraid

2006-05-24T07:04:00.000-04:00

This post is for Mary. Hopefully tonight if all goes well and Evelynn goes to bed nicely for Mommy I can do a proper post.

Yesterday Mary at work had asked to see some pregnant photos of myself. I wanr you now...if you do not want to see something huge and disgusting look away now. As most of you know I gained something like 88 pounds during my pregnancy. Normal people gain around 30 and you should never gain anything more then 35 I believe.

But when have I ever been normal??

So if you do not wish to see this Look Away NOW!! hehehe

This first picture was around 5-6 months. It is not so bad a little big still for that early.

Now to the scary stuff. These are from the week I was due. eeek

I warned you!! Hope you enjoyed them Mary.

PB&J

2006-05-21T22:39:00.000-04:00

Had a very busy weekend with Evelynn. A fun one.

Start with Friday night. Evelynn and I had a girls night. We did a PJ party which she loves. She usually has those with Grandma but I thought I would try and make it a fun Friday for her. We had a nice Kraft dinner. Then it was time for the PJ's and we also painted our nails. Well I cut and painted hers. Then we went downstairs and
I made popcorn and put in a movie that April brought over for us. It was called Hoodwinked and it is now Evelynns Favourite movie. She loved it. She also loved the popcorn. Then it was off to bed.

Evelynn had me up at the usual 5 am time. I think I was able to keep her quiet until 7 am and we headed downstairs for breakfast. Grandma called to tell us she was coming over and we would all go to the park and then shopping. Evelynn got really excited and started jumping and yelling YIPPIE!! Of course the jerks beside us started banging on the wall *sigh* This was at 9:30.

Well For lunch Evelynn made a PB&J sandwich. With my help of course. Her first one, her first taste of Peanut Butter. The child LOVED it and couldn't get enough. I am sorry for holding out on her but with all the rules about introducing peanut butter to children I was scared. Everything went well and there was no reactions thankfully. We also made Peanut Butter cookies. I tell you I cannot bake. They got burnt. lol

Had some fun at the park and shopping then home for a nap. After nap it warmed up outside so we went for a walk before dinner. It was so nice and a really enjoyable walk. Had dinner and a bath and went to bed very nicely.

She actually slept in on Sunday. Got to sleep until 8 am and it felt gooooood! :) Spent the morning cleaning and getting ready for the family reunion which Evelynn was really looking forward to. She was sooo happy this morning singing and helping me clean then the stupid neighbour (everyone knows who I mean since I talk about what mean jerks they are) came knocking on my door. This is how the conversation went;

Jerk: Ummm is there any reason why she is making so much noise in the morning?
Me: Yeah she is two.
Jerk: Well why is she jumping and screaming around?
Me: Because she is two and excited.
Jerk: Well are you leaving her unsupervised?
Me: No I don't think so. What to you expect me to do? Tie her to a chair????!!!
Jerk: No no no. I don't want it to come to that.
Me: Of course it wont come to that I am not going to tie my child to a chair!!
Jerk: Well I was making sure she wasn't being unsupervised and she makes so much noise.
Me: She is being watched and she is two. Bye.

O.K. It was a short conversation but I am proud I stuck up for myself. Really Pissed me off him coming here. Really get a life!! Two year olds do not know how to tell time. It was 10 in the morning not 5 am!! Really whose business is it why my child is loud! What are they going to do call the cops again because my child is making noise in the morning!. I am worried they will be total jerks and say I am leaving my child unsupervised. Anyone who knows me knows I wouldn't do such a thing but I can see them doing something like that. I can't wait to move!!! arrrgghghh!

Ok onto the eveing. Saw fireworks at Big Grandma and grandpas house. Evelynn didn't like them at first but by the end was ohhh-ing and awwww-ing. Late night for her cause she didn't get to bed until after 10. Maybe just maybe she will sleep in for me??

Vicky my Idol

2006-05-18T22:16:00.000-04:00

Tonight was an awesome night. First note we got the dresses picked out for Aprils wedding. One less thing to worry and stress about. Second note went to Vicky's for dinner.

Vicky is one of my 'Lunch Bunch moms'. he is amaziing and I really look up to her. As I do all of my ladies. She made the most fantastic dinner ever and dessert! Yummy! Let me tell you was I ever full. I had no idea anyone could cook like that. Her talents amaze me. Her house was awesome!! Something you dream about. Well something I dream about. I hope one day I can have a house as fantastic as that.

We played Dance Dance Revolution (aka DDR).It was sooo much fun. I am sorry if I made them feel old by saying that I could never picture my parents doing something like that. It's true though. I could not imagine my mom even trying to play that game. My dad..well not a chance. I so want that game. We were laughing and screaming and breaking a sweat. yes..I cannot dance. It is true. I was horrible. I had the lowest score everytime and even once got booed off. We all knew I couldn't dance anyway so nothing new there.

I have Evelynn this weekend. It should be a busy one so I am not sure if I will get a chance to post or not. Hopefully Evelynn is a good girl for me. She has been a little naughty lately and not going to bed like I like. She has been coming out of bed or causing all sorts of trouble up in her room. Pulling things out throwing things on the floor. Really not her usual self. Before I could count on her going to bed and staying there. The worst was maybe reading to herself for too long which wasn't a big deal. She is also calling me up the stairs a million times. Which can be frustrating. She has been testing me a lot with the no dummy unless you are in bed rule. I feel horrible having her scream and cry at me but it is for her own good. Potty training still isn't moving along very well. I just don't understand if she gets it or can't be bothered with it. She is going to be three soon and I just feel she is too old to be acting this way. What do I know though. She is my first child so you get to make all the mistakes on the first one right? lol I am kidding.

I am looking forward to the weekend though. Hopefully the weather is nice and we can spend lots of time outside. I have Monday off work so we can spend an extra day together. Maybe do some baking and grocery shopping or something.

Thats all..will keep everyone updated as I can. Hopefully I will be able to take a ton of pictures too. I am charging my batteries now to be ready for the weekend.

Shadows

2006-05-15T22:21:00.000-04:00

(not sure who wrote this but I thought it was lovely)

Her Little Shadows

I saw a young mother
with eyes full of laughter
and two little shadows
came following after.

Where ever she moved
they were always right there
holding onto her skirts,
hanging onto her chair.
Before her, behind her
an adhesive pair.

'Don't you ever get weary
As, day after day,
your two little tagalongs
get in your way?'

She smiled as she shook
her pretty young head,
and I'll always remember
the words that she said.

'Its good to have shadows,
that run when you run,
that laugh when your happy
and hum when you hum
for you only have shadows
when your life's filled with sun.'

Happy Mothers Day

2006-05-15T20:20:00.000-04:00

My third Mothers day. Boy is that hard to believe. I wont get into how fast time is flying and blah blah again. But I mean really! THIRD!

This was a sweet Mothers Day. Mark had Evelynn this weekend which was good and bad. It made it a nice relaxing Mother's Day but also I missed my baby.

I got a nice Happy Mother's Day!! Yelled at me over the phone from Evelynn. Totally cute. Mark also was nice enough to bring her around mine on Sunday. They came with a nice plant of tulips. Also a nice card that Evelynn drew in. Those are special to me.

This Mother's day I was honoured by being treated by a lot of my friends. First two weeks before Mothers Day Jen mailed me a card. A tear jerker card. She wrote how she really respected my courage. I don't feel I have anymore courage then anyone else. I don't see it any other way. You do what you have to do. I don't only do it because I have to but because I love to. I love my daughter.

April took me to dinner Saturday night. Treated me. was so sweet and so much fun. Tried food I had never tried before and really just had a laugh. I always enjoy myself with April.

I also got flowers sent to me Saturday from my friends Matt. was a very thoughtful gift. Although sneaky in a way because he told me his mom wanted my address!! tsk tsk Matt. It was a nice surprise.

I didn't know that my friends thought I was such an amazing Mother and worth all of their pampering too. Thanks guys!

It feels odd to me when my friends say they respect my courage and strength. I don't feel I did anything to deserve their respect. I didn't do anything different then anyone of my friends would do. I had a child and it is the most amazing thing I have ever done in my life. Now this sounds so strange coming from me and those that know me know why...but I am starting to feel that one day in the future I wouldn't mind having more children. I might actually love more children one day. Coming from the girl who pleaded with the doctors to tie her tubes because I knew without a doubt I would never ever want more children.

Now I wont get too deep this post and I wont make myself cry again so I will end it hear. Also Evelynn has come out of bed twice now and I have gone upstairs three times so I keep losing my train of thought. The little stinker.

Thats what I can't believe, with all the struggles and sleepless nigths, pain of labour and getting fat. Bottles and diapers, colds and teething. That I am actually thinking one day I might want to do this again.

Someone slap some sense into me now!!

Not lost

2006-05-15T19:58:00.000-04:00

I know everyone has been wondering where in the World I have gone. Well I have still been here. I just didn't know what to write so I took a little break. i know it wasn't nice of me to not tell anyone I was breaking and honeslty almost everynight I did mean to post but for some reason I couldn't bring myself to it.

The big news which I will just go over quickly is that Kenny and I have parted to go our seperate ways. I wont go into detail or anything but I do feel it is for the best of both of our interests to have ended it sooner rather then later.

Evelynn has been keeping me pretty busy. I like it that way. Now the weather is nicer I try to be out as much as possible. Last week instead of coming home after Anns I just parked the car and we went for a nice long walk. We walked to Aprils work to pop in and say hi. We walked for a good hour and a half and then stopped for some pizza. it was so nice being able to eat outside. Evelynn was really good. We played around a bit after we ate. We danced to the music over the speakers, I swung her around until we were both sooo dizy we were falling over. I am sure we were the sight.

Now I am going to put Evelynn to bed. I feel better that i got something on the blog now. I will post some more and some pictures when she is in bed. Now it is story time.

Once again I am sorry to everyone who was worried.